Bitter or Better

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Eph. 4:31

God’s faithfulness has always been a source of wonder and blessing to me, especially in the face of my sinful knee-jerk reactions! A few weeks ago, my husband and I disagreed over a subject which elicited tears and hurt feelings from me and as well as frustration and hurt feelings from him. As we ended the discussion on in conflict, I found my heart becoming bitter and I could feel myself withdrawing from my relationship with him, my typical reaction to a disagreement that I don’t “win”!

Yet, I knew my all too human reaction was counter to how my precious Jesus would react in the same situation. Therefore, I needed God to change my heart. So, I prayed about my bitterness and asked my adult daughter to add her prayers that I would intentionally put my bitter feelings aside to obey my Savior and respect my husband’s wishes on the subject about which we disagreed. Later that very day, God in His faithfulness presented me with an opportunity to discuss the quality of love and compromise that sustains a marriage or any other vital relationship.

As I shared the kind of love that God had cultivated in my husband and I for the last eighteen years, I could feel my Lord’s presence and the reminder of the Holy Spirit within me of just what a blessing my husband has been to me. The fact is, he’s really an awesome guy; human, flawed like everyone else, but awesome in my estimation. He is thoughtful, far more patient than I ever am and he has a gentleness that I would do well to emulate! As I continued in the discussion with my friend, I realized just how minor my disagreement with Bob was and that it really was not worth wasting the time and energy in disagreeing. While that is not always the case, in this instance, it was the truth. My willingness to respect his opinion and restore relationship was far more important to me than holding on to my bitterness and “winning” my case.

I had a choice. I could choose to let go of the bitterness, or allow the bitterness to take hold and spoil the precious relationship we shared. God in His grace and faithfulness, reminded me of my choice when He allowed me to share just how much my relationship with Bob meant to me. He demonstrated through my own testimony why I should not choose bitterness. His grace in showing me why I should let go of the bitterness was tender and merciful in the extreme. My heart was overwhelmed and the bitterness disappeared like fog in the sunshine.

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness in showing me my bitterness and then giving me the strength to let it go. Amen.

Gathering a Harvest

To all of my blog followers:

I must extend my most humble apologies for my absence. Please forgive me as I have been working on structuring my latest venture: a ministry in partnership with my dear friend, Susan Silva. New Spirit, Healed Heart Ministries is a ministry devoted to our goal of joining God in the work that He is already doing in the lives of His people: giving God’s people a New Spirit and a Healed Heart. Targeting the population living on the South Coast of Massachusetts and greater Rhode Island, we are based out of Middleborough, Massachusetts. Those of us serving in this ministry recognize living and ministering in New England requires a thorough knowledge of the culture, people, and mind-set of this region. We have lived and worked and worshipped here for a minimum of fifteen years and love God’s people here in New England. Yes, we may be the “frozen chosen” but our fire for the Gospel of Jesus Christ has allowed us to thrive and pursue God with purpose and joy! If you would like more information, please go to www.newspirithealedheart.com and please remember we are still building the webpage, so have patience with it.

I would also like to send a “Hello” to the women of Church-in-the-Pines of West Wareham, MA. What a great group of women! I would especially like to thank Michelle Humphrey and Flo Boc for inviting me to speak at the wonderful retreat they put together last month. Our topic was “Living Life Worthy of the Lord” and I spoke on Colossians 1:10-12, “Pleasing God or Pleasing to God”. I was grateful for the opportunity to share some of the convictions and promises that the Lord had placed on my heart. To all of you who attended, I have prayed over your requests and I have confidence that the Lord is already answering some of those prayers! His faithfulness is far beyond what we can ask or imagine.

As I prepared for the conference, I was pondering; what does a life worthy of the Lord look like? As I prayed and searched the Scripture, I realized that Colossians 1: 10-12 was pretty precise. We are to be bearing fruit, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened by His might so that we can endure, and giving thanks to God for our salvation. I realized very quickly that to find my way to that goal of living such a life, I needed a map…well marked! Think about it. An unmarked map is of no help in following directions to a destination. With Jesus as my point of reference, my life map is clearly marked so that I have less of an opportunity to stray off of the path! In the final analysis, unless Jesus is where I start, live through, and finish my day, I will not be pleasing to God.

As we are preparing for the Thanksgiving holiday, may we all be cultivating a spirit of gratitude for the fantastic salvation which Jesus has so generously provided for all of us who call Him Lord! May that spirit of joyous gratitude be evident to all with whom we come in contact!

“…so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Col.1:10-12

Sowing and Reaping

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” 2 Corinthians 9:6

A couple of weeks ago I went out to Ohio to visit my Mom and celebrate a mile-stone birthday of hers with extended family and friends. I have profound admiration and respect for my mother. While she is not perfect, she has been a bastion of faith and perseverance. I have often liked her to the church of Smyrna in Revelation 2:9 in that she has known affliction and poverty, yet she is rich! She persevered through a difficult and painful first marriage of twenty-three years which ended in divorce. She recently buried an uncaring and unloving second husband to whom she was married for twenty-six years. She raised eight children to adulthood, for all practical purposes, as a single parent and she has invested more love, prayer and sacrifice into us than I can imagine. She is active in her church and has a vibrant and evolving faith as she strives to walk with her Savior daily. She has never had material wealth of any kind and has lived a life filled with trials. However, she is rich: rich in the heavenly treasure of faith. My mother, spiritually speaking, is a faith giant.

Presently at age seventy, she is finally reaping what she has sown. She has children who love her, who enjoy her company, who assist her with daily needs, and are the joy of her life. She has sixteen grandchildren ranging in ages twenty-seven to two. The older grandchildren, my two included, have incredible memories of the simple life on her farm: herds of cows to be milked, sheep to be sheared, flocks of chickens needing eggs gathered, and county fairs. The younger grandchildren have more recent memories of a Grammy who reads to them, builds puzzles, gives them cookies, and gently teases them with affection and humor. All of us, children and grandchildren are witnessing a life of faith sown in trials; a life lived in perseverance to endure through the trials.

Personally, I have praised God for providing me a tremendous model of faith in my mother. As I’ve written in the past, I have been in a lengthy season of trials. And the promise in James 1:2-4 has become my mantra as I hang on with all of my strength to the truth: I can rejoice in trials because the trials are producing perseverance. Perseverance is maturing my faith. My mother has modeled this perseverance and has taught me this mantra, and I am watching her reap what she has sown in laughter and tears, prayer, hard work, and commitment. I have faith that I will also reap what I am presently sowing: hard work, prayer, faithfulness, commitment, and trust. In my mother, I have living proof that God is a God who is faithful to His promises. One day I, also, will reap what I have sown.

Fifteen Minutes

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:10-11

The nerves were just overwhelming. My hands were shaking, my words were stumbling. I actually started hyperventilating, unable to slow my breathing down. Quickly I grabbed the small plastic bag on top of the ice bucket and panting I opened it up and began breathing: in, out, in, out until I felt my heart slow down. I tried to sit for a moment and again began the process of rehearsing my “pitch” for the appointment I was to keep in forty-five minutes.

I couldn’t believe how quickly a year had passed. Both Kathleen and Susan reminded me that I had set this goal last year: to sit down with a publisher to present a book that I had been compelled to write. Truthfully, writing had become a matter of obedience. I kept asking the Lord, “Am I wasting my time?” “Is this really what You want me to write?” “I have no real qualifications. I’ll never get past the opening words of the presentation.” Over and over I questioned Him. But unless I had a clear answer of “no”, I knew that I had to keep writing.

So write I did. Not as studiously as I should have. Some days I wasted time with games. Other times I’d pick up the phone and call somebody just to put it off a little longer. Then there were times, precious times, when I would become so absorbed Bob would startle me just by speaking my name from my office door or I would jump if the phone rang. But the ideas, thoughts, and stories insisted they be written down; the Scriptures begged for a place to be discussed so that one person might gain understanding one day. Obedience.

The forty-five minutes passed far more quickly than I ever thought they would. Over and over, I said the words to myself: “Thank you for seeing me today. My name is Gayle Dunphy and my book is about….My credentials are….My target audience is…” As I waited outside of the door of the appointed place, God in His mercy, sent a distraction in the form of a conversation with a lovely woman who had just pitched her book. She was small and slight, the complete antithesis of myself, and I was quickly engaged in listening to her story. Then it was my turn.

I walked into the room and I could feel my heart fluttering. Years of dreaming, two years of prayer, and hours upon hours in my office rested upon the next fifteen minutes. I tried to speak slowly and steadily as I shared my passion and heart’s desire for God’s people to fall in love with Jesus and His Word. When I was able to take the actual proposal out of my bag, I no longer felt my being making the motions or carrying the conversation. It felt as though His Spirit had stepped into the moment and made it His own. As I went over the chapter overviews, I could see the publisher’s interest and was able to answer her questions with clarity and enthusiasm, surely proof again of His divine presence. Obedience for fifteen minutes.

Suddenly, she was saying, “I’d like to read your proposal.” I’m really not too sure of what was said after that. I know that I handed her one of my business cards and shook her hand before I walked out of the room. My fifteen minutes were over, but the future was laid out before me like the vision from the top of a beautiful mountain. My joy was beyond words. Fifteen minutes of obedience.

I’ve had a couple of days to process my experience. The fact that a publisher wanted to read my proposal was far more than I had ever dreamed, far more than I had “asked or imagined.” This book may not be published this time. The publisher may read it and not like it. And that’s OK. My focus is this: I have been quietly on my face before my Lord and thanked Him over and over and over; not for the appointment going well although I am thankful for that. But what I have been most thankful for is His empowering me to continue to be obedient when my fears and doubts almost paralyzed me as so often has happened in the past. He has shown me the joy of obedience in the face of my absolute surety that I would fail yet again; that I would be rejected yet again. And still He empowered me to be obedient. My joy is complete.

Weapons for the Battle

Today I’m engaged in a battle. This particular offensive has been waged before, but I find myself pinned down once again. Satan knows many of my weaknesses, but this particular weakness has been attacked regularly. You would think by now I would be highly skilled at defending this particular chink in my armor, but again I find Satan firing his grenade launcher causing me to cry out to God for the assistance of many weapons.

The first weapon is prayer! Jesus, the reigning general has provided access to the commander in chief, my Father, Creator, and Sustainer who reassures me that the war is already won. My job is to be faithful to engage the enemy of my soul, Satan, and rely on the weaponry that my God has provided. Starting with the intimacy of prayer, I have opportunity to study the battle plan and I can be prepared to know where the enemy may strike next by reviewing the layout of the battlefield. This battle requires vigilance and the Holy Spirit is on watch continually, reminding me of truth and guiding my footsteps to avoid the mines. Yes, without the preparation of prayer, I would have no chance for survival.

The second weapon is Scripture. I put on the sidearm of knowing the Lord “delights in me” as Zephaniah 3:17 assures me. My machine gun is knowing God has plans to “prosper me,…to give me a hope and a future” as revealed in Jeremiah 29:11. I’m using Ephesians 2:10 as a shield as I remember that I am His masterpiece and that He has “works for me to walk in”. Finally, I reach for the grenade of “If God is for us [me], who can be against us [me]” found in Romans 8:31. These are weapons that no enemy can withstand.

The final weapon is godly relationships. Try as I might I cannot fight this battle on my own! I must enlist the aid of people who love me and will pray for me in the battle. These are people who know me and my weaknesses, who will be faithful to pray for me, and will speak God’s truth to me. I am grateful for God’s provision in this particular weaponry. He is faithful and my Jehovah Jireh, my provider, has enlisted brothers and sisters to guard my back!

The enemy is mine! In the provision of my righteous God, the God of the angel armies, I find the weaponry to fight, to rest when needed, and to prepare daily for the war. Some battles will be fought over and over, but I am assured of victory through Jesus Christ! My joy is complete!