I am a needy person. There it is written for the entire world to see: I am needy. Now please understand me; I’m not talking about being a “black-hole of need” as a girlfriend of mine is known to say! But within healthy boundaries, I need to feel valuable, to be important to the people I love, and to be respected. I need encouragement and I want to be liked, even if my laugh is too loud! For years I have struggled with what I have believed to be an unappealing aspect of my personality. I perceive it as a weakness. I want to hide my neediness from the people around me, especially those people that are not part of my inner circle. I want to overcome it. So I spent years trying to be self-sufficient. I was not very successful and I ended up retreating further into myself denying my neediness.
To top it all off, we live in a culture that encourages self sufficiency. We admire “self-made” individuals; we look up to those who “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” and then we wonder why we struggle with being vulnerable and authentic. The idea that people need each other can be a real turn-off. But frankly the truth is we are all needy. I believe God created us to be needy….to need Him.
When we look to God to fill our need for value, the words of John 3:16 answer us: “For God so loved the world, He sent His only begotten Son…” When we look to God for love, we find that His character is love, (1 John 4:8); therefore He cannot love us any more or any less than He does right now. When we look to God to fill our need for respect, we find that He considers us His masterpiece according to Ephesians 2:10. That should fill our need to be respected.
Finally, as we are able to ascertain our value, lovability, and worth in what God says about us, it takes pressure off of the people most intimately connected to us in our lives. The ability to receive His love and His worth of us then translates into seeing those around us through that blanket of love. We are therefore able to love others with a less demanding love, a love that can enjoy others just for who they are, not for what they give us or what needs they fill in us! That’s when we will know that our “neediness” has been transferred to Him, where it belongs. I suppose that is why I can be at peace with my own “neediness”!