You know, I have experienced God’s speaking into my life in such amazing ways. Yet each time I am surprised…and awed…that the God of the universe who put the planets into place and knows each star by name will still pursue me and love me enough to make me holy. But the means by which He reaches me can surely make me very uncomfortable and I am still prideful enough to resist. But here is His latest conviction to my heart.
I am hiding.
I am staying safe within my little world, which over the last few years has dwindled from a huge “family” of about three hundred people to about fifteen. Circumstances aside, I have become cowardly when it comes to relationships. And there are many people whose forgiveness I am still seeking for my withdrawal.
The really difficult part is having the healthy boundaries to know who is safe to come further into my world and who has shown themselves unsafe and therefore needs to remain at a safe distance. Herein lies the rub; and I’m still trying to figure this all out.
But the most amazing part is that I am preparing to speak at a woman’s retreat about this very topic! My topic is “Risking Outward”, meaning how do I love others when I am afraid? However, God in His faithfulness is answering me clearly and concisely. Therefore, I have a lot of “ ‘splainin’ ” to do. And many people of whom I will be asking forgiveness. How God must “shake His head” to confront me in my sin in such a manner…and haul me out of my hiding place.
If you believe you are one of those people, I would surely love your assistance! Call me, or send me a Face Book message, or an e-mail. But don’t let me go any longer retreating into my little world. I need relationship with you as much as you do me!