Sowing and Reaping

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” 2 Corinthians 9:6

A couple of weeks ago I went out to Ohio to visit my Mom and celebrate a mile-stone birthday of hers with extended family and friends. I have profound admiration and respect for my mother. While she is not perfect, she has been a bastion of faith and perseverance. I have often liked her to the church of Smyrna in Revelation 2:9 in that she has known affliction and poverty, yet she is rich! She persevered through a difficult and painful first marriage of twenty-three years which ended in divorce. She recently buried an uncaring and unloving second husband to whom she was married for twenty-six years. She raised eight children to adulthood, for all practical purposes, as a single parent and she has invested more love, prayer and sacrifice into us than I can imagine. She is active in her church and has a vibrant and evolving faith as she strives to walk with her Savior daily. She has never had material wealth of any kind and has lived a life filled with trials. However, she is rich: rich in the heavenly treasure of faith. My mother, spiritually speaking, is a faith giant.

Presently at age seventy, she is finally reaping what she has sown. She has children who love her, who enjoy her company, who assist her with daily needs, and are the joy of her life. She has sixteen grandchildren ranging in ages twenty-seven to two. The older grandchildren, my two included, have incredible memories of the simple life on her farm: herds of cows to be milked, sheep to be sheared, flocks of chickens needing eggs gathered, and county fairs. The younger grandchildren have more recent memories of a Grammy who reads to them, builds puzzles, gives them cookies, and gently teases them with affection and humor. All of us, children and grandchildren are witnessing a life of faith sown in trials; a life lived in perseverance to endure through the trials.

Personally, I have praised God for providing me a tremendous model of faith in my mother. As I’ve written in the past, I have been in a lengthy season of trials. And the promise in James 1:2-4 has become my mantra as I hang on with all of my strength to the truth: I can rejoice in trials because the trials are producing perseverance. Perseverance is maturing my faith. My mother has modeled this perseverance and has taught me this mantra, and I am watching her reap what she has sown in laughter and tears, prayer, hard work, and commitment. I have faith that I will also reap what I am presently sowing: hard work, prayer, faithfulness, commitment, and trust. In my mother, I have living proof that God is a God who is faithful to His promises. One day I, also, will reap what I have sown.

Fifteen Minutes

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:10-11

The nerves were just overwhelming. My hands were shaking, my words were stumbling. I actually started hyperventilating, unable to slow my breathing down. Quickly I grabbed the small plastic bag on top of the ice bucket and panting I opened it up and began breathing: in, out, in, out until I felt my heart slow down. I tried to sit for a moment and again began the process of rehearsing my “pitch” for the appointment I was to keep in forty-five minutes.

I couldn’t believe how quickly a year had passed. Both Kathleen and Susan reminded me that I had set this goal last year: to sit down with a publisher to present a book that I had been compelled to write. Truthfully, writing had become a matter of obedience. I kept asking the Lord, “Am I wasting my time?” “Is this really what You want me to write?” “I have no real qualifications. I’ll never get past the opening words of the presentation.” Over and over I questioned Him. But unless I had a clear answer of “no”, I knew that I had to keep writing.

So write I did. Not as studiously as I should have. Some days I wasted time with games. Other times I’d pick up the phone and call somebody just to put it off a little longer. Then there were times, precious times, when I would become so absorbed Bob would startle me just by speaking my name from my office door or I would jump if the phone rang. But the ideas, thoughts, and stories insisted they be written down; the Scriptures begged for a place to be discussed so that one person might gain understanding one day. Obedience.

The forty-five minutes passed far more quickly than I ever thought they would. Over and over, I said the words to myself: “Thank you for seeing me today. My name is Gayle Dunphy and my book is about….My credentials are….My target audience is…” As I waited outside of the door of the appointed place, God in His mercy, sent a distraction in the form of a conversation with a lovely woman who had just pitched her book. She was small and slight, the complete antithesis of myself, and I was quickly engaged in listening to her story. Then it was my turn.

I walked into the room and I could feel my heart fluttering. Years of dreaming, two years of prayer, and hours upon hours in my office rested upon the next fifteen minutes. I tried to speak slowly and steadily as I shared my passion and heart’s desire for God’s people to fall in love with Jesus and His Word. When I was able to take the actual proposal out of my bag, I no longer felt my being making the motions or carrying the conversation. It felt as though His Spirit had stepped into the moment and made it His own. As I went over the chapter overviews, I could see the publisher’s interest and was able to answer her questions with clarity and enthusiasm, surely proof again of His divine presence. Obedience for fifteen minutes.

Suddenly, she was saying, “I’d like to read your proposal.” I’m really not too sure of what was said after that. I know that I handed her one of my business cards and shook her hand before I walked out of the room. My fifteen minutes were over, but the future was laid out before me like the vision from the top of a beautiful mountain. My joy was beyond words. Fifteen minutes of obedience.

I’ve had a couple of days to process my experience. The fact that a publisher wanted to read my proposal was far more than I had ever dreamed, far more than I had “asked or imagined.” This book may not be published this time. The publisher may read it and not like it. And that’s OK. My focus is this: I have been quietly on my face before my Lord and thanked Him over and over and over; not for the appointment going well although I am thankful for that. But what I have been most thankful for is His empowering me to continue to be obedient when my fears and doubts almost paralyzed me as so often has happened in the past. He has shown me the joy of obedience in the face of my absolute surety that I would fail yet again; that I would be rejected yet again. And still He empowered me to be obedient. My joy is complete.

Weapons for the Battle

Today I’m engaged in a battle. This particular offensive has been waged before, but I find myself pinned down once again. Satan knows many of my weaknesses, but this particular weakness has been attacked regularly. You would think by now I would be highly skilled at defending this particular chink in my armor, but again I find Satan firing his grenade launcher causing me to cry out to God for the assistance of many weapons.

The first weapon is prayer! Jesus, the reigning general has provided access to the commander in chief, my Father, Creator, and Sustainer who reassures me that the war is already won. My job is to be faithful to engage the enemy of my soul, Satan, and rely on the weaponry that my God has provided. Starting with the intimacy of prayer, I have opportunity to study the battle plan and I can be prepared to know where the enemy may strike next by reviewing the layout of the battlefield. This battle requires vigilance and the Holy Spirit is on watch continually, reminding me of truth and guiding my footsteps to avoid the mines. Yes, without the preparation of prayer, I would have no chance for survival.

The second weapon is Scripture. I put on the sidearm of knowing the Lord “delights in me” as Zephaniah 3:17 assures me. My machine gun is knowing God has plans to “prosper me,…to give me a hope and a future” as revealed in Jeremiah 29:11. I’m using Ephesians 2:10 as a shield as I remember that I am His masterpiece and that He has “works for me to walk in”. Finally, I reach for the grenade of “If God is for us [me], who can be against us [me]” found in Romans 8:31. These are weapons that no enemy can withstand.

The final weapon is godly relationships. Try as I might I cannot fight this battle on my own! I must enlist the aid of people who love me and will pray for me in the battle. These are people who know me and my weaknesses, who will be faithful to pray for me, and will speak God’s truth to me. I am grateful for God’s provision in this particular weaponry. He is faithful and my Jehovah Jireh, my provider, has enlisted brothers and sisters to guard my back!

The enemy is mine! In the provision of my righteous God, the God of the angel armies, I find the weaponry to fight, to rest when needed, and to prepare daily for the war. Some battles will be fought over and over, but I am assured of victory through Jesus Christ! My joy is complete!

Joy Through a Painful Season

I am enduring a season of watching some of my most intimate friends go through some truly difficult struggles. One cherished sister is in the midst of a frightening medical crisis that could have long-term implications for her future. Another precious couple is in the midst of grave relationship issues. A third treasured sister is dealing with a wayward child who has some serious personal problems of his own. These are people in whom I have invested a great deal of time and love. And I must say recently I have felt so powerless to do anything helpful. I feel like all I can do is pray…and be there with and for them.

As I have sat with these individuals, I have shared the burden of feelings; feelings of pain, fear, hurt, abandonment and loss. My heart aches as I have wept with and for each of them. The earnest prayers in the dead of night on their behalf has comforted and strengthened me, and I pray, them. Yet, as frightening, sad, and painful as these circumstances are to observe in the different lives affected, I wouldn’t be anywhere else! These people are my family. And one day, I will be the one in the midst of the pain, loss, and confusion and they will be there comforting, praying, and present with me!

This kind of love is God’s design, and I am astounded at how profound the care and the love is that He gives us for each other….if we are willing to risk; to risk loving our neighbor, to risk being used by and submitting to our God. Please understand me; I know that none of this is from my strength for I am a weak vessel! But I am experiencing the truths of the Scriptures so powerfully! For instance, 2 Corinthians 12:9 is deeply poignant to me through the heavy days because I am experiencing the truth of it: "’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” This verse is more alive to me today than it has ever been before.

As difficult as these last several months have been, I have truly sensed God’s grace and strength filling me when I have thought I have nothing left to give. My dependence on Him has grown profoundly. In my neediness, I am acutely aware of the sufficiency of God’s grace…and I am marveling at the beauty of His design for His Church! This is the love that we are commanded to demonstrate to each other. This is love that has eternal value as I invest in the lives of these people and they invest in me! These are the moments when treasures are being stored up in heaven. It is through this kind of love that God’s faithfulness is confirmed as He is creating His testimonies in our lives. My joy is overflowing as I discover yet again how faithful my God truly is. Ultimately, I pray that through these circumstances God is receiving the glory He so richly deserves.

A Different Easter Celebration

For the first time in more years than I can remember, I was not in church on Easter Sunday. My husband and I had gone camping with our daughter and son-in-law for some much needed respite after a season of extreme stress and sadness. But early on Monday morning I was feeling so guilty! How could I have missed the one service in the year where the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ is celebrated? I tried to comfort myself by the fact that all day long yesterday I hummed, “Jesus Christ is Risen Today” but somehow, it didn’t seem like enough. How could I have missed declaring, “He is risen!” followed by, “He is risen indeed!” almost as though the phrase was a secret password for an exclusive club?

Even last night, I was awake fretting over the fact that I missed church yesterday. What would people think? Would they think I didn’t love Jesus? Would my status as a “good” Christian be called into question? Does my not attending a church service on Easter make me a backslidden Christian? Do I need to repent and confess that my heart and soul has been in a period of mourning and I just couldn’t bring myself to put on my Christian “suit” and behave like all born-again Christians are supposed to behave on Easter Sunday? Does Jesus think that I don’t love Him enough to attend church?

Finally this morning, after some quiet time with Jesus in the Word, then praying and listening, I turned to a loving, precious sister in Christ, and shared some of my fears and heart-aches. As I poured out my heart, the tears were flowing down my face as I wept over the grief and loss I have experienced over the last year. And after the phone call ended, I continued to weep with my Lord, sensing His comforting presence as though He had gathered me into His arms, as a mother would her injured child. I was comforted and soon my soul was feeling refreshed. The ringing of my phone gently interrupted my comfortable silence. The voice on the other end was a different beloved sister who was experiencing her own grief and was seeking counsel. As we spoke, God provided a unique opportunity to share the reality of my Easter morning with her. The following is how I spent my Easter morning.

I had the privilege of observing two sets of new-born twin lambs, barely an hour old. New life! They were still struggling to get to their feet, breathing air for the first time, and softly bleating as they explored their small stall. As I described the scene to my friend, my heart turned to Jesus, our Lamb, the paschal Lamb! Isaiah 53:7 tells us, “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.” As I described watching those new-born lambs, I was reminded of the unfathomable gift, a gift that I did not and do not deserve, but was given in spite of my sinful self: Jesus Christ and the indwelling Holy Spirit. Watching them yesterday, in that moment, I was once again overwhelmed with the grace of God the Father who was willing to allow His only-begotten Son to die on a cross, to show us His power and love by raising Jesus from the dead to new life to provide a means of communing with our holy Creator. And to think that we have been invited to receive this gift of new life through Jesus Christ! That is Easter – the celebration of the resurrection!

As I ended the conmversation with my friend, it became obvious to me that my heart needed to be reminded that Easter is not about attending a church service, or the sin of worrying about what people may be thinking about me. Easter is about truly worshipping Jesus Christ! As I told my friend, perhaps that was a far more authentic celebration of Easter: to be in a barn watching those little lambs so fresh and new to the world. May I be able to recognize that every day can be a celebration of His death and resurrection and the new life that I have because of that precious Lamb of God!