Maturity in Spite of Me

“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”  Ephesians 4: 14 – 15

I wanted his approval and good will more than I wanted to be holy.  I wanted to be held in high esteem, so I tolerated bad behavior and foolish jesting at the expense of others.  My desire for acceptance was greater than my desire for God.  These are my sins…confessed, repented of, forgiveness requested and received before the Lord and the appropriate individuals, now shared to make this point: spiritual maturity is attained slowly but surely in spite of self because God is mightier than foolishness or sin.  He will finish His work in us.

As many of you [readers] are aware, relationships are extremely important to me.  But as I reflect, those relationships were not more important to me than my standing before particular individuals.  Through the consequence of the loss of those relationships over the last few years, along with the humbling and difficult work of repairing them, the Holy Spirit is doing the transforming work required to make me “grow up”.  Spiritual maturity requires hard work!  And I believe relationships are the means by which Jesus is transforming me, and you, to spiritually mature people who resemble Jesus. 

Truth in my inmost being was required first: truth about who God is and His mighty power used to make me holy through the circumstances of this life that His sovereignty allows.  Truth about my sins: my desires, my will, being more important than the will of the Savior who rescued me from the pit of hell.  Finally, I had to be honest and recognize that my life in Him is to reflect and pursue kingdom purposes; “His kingdom come, His will be done”.

My next step was in observing others through the Lord’s perspective: each individual is His creation.  Therefore, I had no choice but to respect each individual and their opinions, cull the wheat from the chaff and pray for wisdom and understanding to confront my sinful behavior and make amends where I could.  Restoration is the work of God and I am to join Him in that work.

Finally, I must continue to apply the above steps willfully and intentionally if I am submitting to the work of the Holy Spirit.  Today I am celebrating God’s faithfulness, love, mercy and eternal presence in my life.  I still have a long way to go in this process of maturity and I won’t be surprised if I have to practice these steps many times to get it right!  But I’m in this for the long haul…to become like Jesus, to be presented as blameless before my holy, righteous God.  Amen.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Find Out What it Means to Jesus)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Eph. 4: 2

 Respect: Aretha famously sang about it. Our society complains about the lack thereof.  But not long ago, I was confronted by the lack of respect within myself.  I was taught some difficult truth by a person that I, sinfully, did not value as I should.  While I am not proud of this fact, I found the Holy Spirit speaking sternly to me in my arrogance and hammered home a lesson I’m not likely to forget anytime soon!  But as usually happens when the Lord moves, the experience also allowed me to ponder the necessity of respect for others.  Even if I don’t particularly like someone, or believe that somehow I am superior, I am to treat each individual with respect.  Period.

The fact is every person is created in the image of God according to Genesis 1:27.  If I’m “completely humble and gentle” than respect is present.   In Philippians 2:3, Paul also says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,…” Frankly, that is the definition for respect: “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person.”

How would our relationships alter if we recognized the creation made in God’s image in every individual we encountered?  What do we miss when we are unwilling to view others through the lenses of the Lord and see them as He does?  Honestly, the path to maturity is cultivated through relationships…and respect is one of our most important tools.  Thankfully, the Lord handed me that tool (again) through one of His children and altered my vision in the process.  

No More Illusions

“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.” Eph. 4:25 (MSG)

Have you ever gone through a period of time that has left you so discouraged, hurt and confused that you don’t even know what you need?  Thankfully, while I’m on the road out of that pit, I am discovering afresh and anew how sovereign our heavenly Father is and how willingly He meets our needs if we will just turn to Him.  Considering the last few years, the Lord’s timing of focusing my heart on the book of Ephesians is wrought with irony and loving mercy.

 One painful lesson I learned preparing for the retreat concerns truth.   Regrettably, people will inadvertently distort truth through the lenses of perspective.  I used the idea of an optical illusion to emphasize this point.  Optical illusions can affect our perception of reality.  Similarly, one person’s perspective impacts another person’s perception of truth.  In other words, facts from one person’s viewpoint may be very different from another person’s.  Without prayer and discernment, I cannot bank on the perception of facts from one or two people to be truth.  Jesus is the only one who is in possession of all of the facts of any situation because He sees the hearts of all the participants.  We cannot.  Only as the Lord reveals actual truth can we make decisions and progress accordingly.  That’s one reason why we are to forgive others, and bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2); otherwise as the body of Christ, we will be divided.

After all that I have experienced, I’m doing my level best to remember that because imperfect, broken people are involved (including me) in my life, truth will always be shaded with the perspectives of all involved!  If I can remember this, then, even while I lick my wounds, I can respond with praise for God’s ability to reveal TRUTH!  

A Single Moment

 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:7-9

I saw the most amazing sight today:  a Cooper’s hawk grabbed a Mourning Dove right out of thin air!  I was just stepping outside with my dog when the two doves were startled from the ground and took off for the trees behind my deck.  Suddenly, I saw the hawk swoop from a branch and grab one of the doves in mid-air with incredible precision.  Feathers flew as did the remaining dove making a quick escape, flying for its life.  There was barely a sound as the hawk flew off into the woods with its lunch clenched firmly in its talons.  This all took place in a single moment,

That moment grabbed my attention.  Just like that dove, Satan can grab us when we least expect it!  As Peter reminds us, we must remain alert and remember that Satan is prowling about just looking for an opportunity to devour us.  Satan uses all kinds of distractions to tempt us: the computer, TV, the Coach bag that is out of our budget, or (in my case) a second helping of dessert!  Thankfully, unlike that dove, we usually have plenty of time to make a decision about the temptation we face.  But there are situations when we might only have a single moment to decide.

What choice will you make today?

Fear is an Enemy

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18

I’m sorry I’ve been so neglectful of you my readers, but I have been preparing for a retreat for which I’m speaking.  My heart has been fully occupied with sitting with the Lord while listening, praying, and gaining some understanding of what it means to love others and still I am exploring this topic.  I’ll share with you some of what I’m uncovering.

I’ve always loved the Scripture I’ve chosen to share today because fear has been a companion throughout my life.  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being “less-than”, just to name a few, have accompanied me on this life’s journey.  And yet I remember reading this Scripture years ago and wondering how I would ever find the understanding and ability to believe it.

Finally, it hit me: “fear has to do with punishment.”  In other words, in my experience, punishment equals pain.  Failure is painful.  Rejection is painful.  Insecurity is painful.  And I will do just about anything to avoid pain.

And I bet you do to.

So how do I go about reframing failure, rejection and insecurity so that those emotions are not associated with just pain?  How about considering these painful emotions as an opportunity for growth? 

It has only been through my fear of failure that I learned wisdom in making wiser choices! 

It has been through my fear of rejection that I have learned to receive the love of my precious Savior because He will never reject me!

It has been through my insecurity that I have learned a dependence on the living God and the assurance that He will sustain me through any and every circumstance!

I’m still learning about His perfect love and while I’m on this side of heaven, I’ll continue to learn.  But the journey has become far less fearful as I abide and rest in Jesus.

PS:  If you are interested in attending the retreat to which I referred please Face Book “Women 2 Women” for details.  Thank you.

God’s Presence

“Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:15-16

In my personal devotion reading this past week, I found something that I had never really noticed before.  In 2 Chronicles 7, I read that Solomon had completed construction of the Temple and is dedicating it.  Those of you who have been following my blog know of the struggle to lose weight and the importance of my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 3:16. 

The Temple was known as the resting place of God’s presence.  And as I strive to bring my “temple” under His authority, I realized that the power and comfort the Temple brought to the nation of Israel is just as accessible for me today!  I was struck by the verses I quoted to open this blog because in these Scripture, I am reassured that He is consecrating this “temple”, His eyes and ears are open to the prayers I offer Him, and His eyes and heart are always with me.  Therefore, I am never abandoned, I am never alone, nor am I a hopeless case when it comes to my weight!

As a matter of fact, I have lost two sizes since January!  But thankfully the size of my “temple” does not determine His presence, nor does my behavior.  His presence is determined by His consecration of me.  According to Dictionary.com, ‘consecration’ means “to make or declare sacred or holy.”  He’s doing the work.  My job is to join Him in the work He’s doing.  Meanwhile, I am enjoying the fruits of His presence and His labors!

Letting Go

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Eph. 4:31

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I last posted, but during these last couple of weeks God has been teaching me lessons on when to hold on and when to let go.  I’ll start with the letting go first. 

I finally had to let go of my dog of fourteen years.  Sheila, an Australian Shepherd, was a great dog: companionable, loving, comforting, all that a person could want a dog to be.  Blind, partially deaf, her hips finally gave out on her.  Making the decision to have her “put down” was heartbreakingly painful and it was a decision I didn’t want to make.  We had been through these spells before where she just couldn’t get up, but this time, she didn’t regain her strength and I knew it was time to let her go. 

Letting go can be a difficult decision.  Especially when we have loved and nursed something we have to let go.  I nursed and loved Sheila and letting her go was painful.  But she wasn’t healthy anymore and holding on to her was selfish.

However, I’ve also been known to nurse and love other things that are not healthy:

Things like hurt, bitterness and anger.

And that is selfish as well.

In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul is emphatic that those are emotions we need to let go: bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice.  When I nurse those emotions, I find that the hurt, bitterness, and anger start to grow out of control and start to drain me of precious energy, energy that is required to do the things the Lord has called me to do in serving His people.  Letting go of these emotions can be painful initially.  But the rewards far outweigh the pain.  Maybe today you can decide to let go of some unhealthy things in your life.  Take them to the Lord and ask for His help in letting go.

Llama Drama

^“What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.”  Luke 15:4-5 (NASB)

Several years ago, I was in my office on the phone with my husband.  Looking up, there they were!  Four llamas went trotting past my yard and continued down the street.  I quickly ended my phone call, saying to Bob, “You won’t believe this but there are four llamas running down our street!  I have to go!”

Without hesitation, I grabbed a dog leash and headed down the street in search of the llamas.  Because I grew up on a farm I was not the least bit afraid of them unlike some of the other people helping to catch them.  After quite an intensive herding effort by many neighbors in cars and trucks, I was able to catch one and slip the leash around her neck and guide her back to her pasture. 

Finally, the other three llamas were herded into the proper farm yard and I was able to set my charge free to join her mates safe and sound in their own pen.  By the time I returned home a good hour had passed and I knew I had to call my husband back and fill him in on the outcome of the wandering llamas!

When I finally stopped laughing about being part of such an unusual rural drama, I wondered how the owners would have felt if they had returned home and their llamas were missing.  I’m sure they were thrilled that people had taken the time to corral and return their animals.  

I love how God uses such strange and funny things to get my attention. As I thought further, I had a sobering thought.  I realized how rarely I see the lost “sheep” in my small world.  And I take for granted my precious Savior’s concern for His lost sheep.  Am I sensitive to the people He brings across my path?  Would I spend as much time ascertaining their spiritual needs as I did the need for the llamas to be returned to their home?  Do I ever stop to remember the extravagant price Jesus paid to rescue His lost sheep, including me?  May God grant me His insight to recognizing lost “sheep” as well as lost llamas!

Learning to Rest

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28

I’ve always learned a great deal about our Lord from His creation, through gardening, hiking, and animals. Recently, God revealed an interesting analogy to me using my dog Sheila who is 14 years old.

She’s an Australian Shepherd, one of the best dogs I have ever owned, and a true companion. She is deaf and partially blind now and her hips have been causing her pain and stiffness so that climbing the stairs of our home has become a painful and slow process. So for about the last year my husband has been carrying her up the stairs to our bedroom most nights.

Initially she would struggle and fight being carried and thankfully Bob, a big strong guy, was able to manage her so she didn’t fall or bring him down with her! Over the months her struggling became less and less until, finally, she barely struggles at all.

I’ve realized learning to rest in the Lord is very similar. Resting requires time and opportunity.

It took Sheila time and many trips up the stairs in Bob’s arms before she realized she was safe and didn’t have to struggle against Bob. We need time and opportunity with God holding us in His everlasting arms (Deut. 33:27) before we realize that we are safest in His arms.

When you find yourself struggling against God, take a moment and reflect on previous opportunities where God carried you. Then ask yourself, why are you struggling this time? He carried you safely before and He will carry you safely again.

So, exhale and rest. Rest quietly in His arms.

Choosing the Priority Over the Feeling

I’m feeling weary. I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m feeling insecure. I’m feeling guilt-ridden. Why?

I’m just getting over a terrible cold and I’m still producing a hacking cough. I have a wisdom tooth breaking through my gum and it hurts.

I had to “close” the books for my husband’s business and then meet with the accountant to prepare for the taxes, and since accounting is NOT one of my gifts, my brain feels absolutely drained of anything useful.

I’m feeling insecure and under-appreciated in ministry and in my relationships. Mind you, no one has done or said anything to make me feel this way; it’s just how I feel.

An opportunity to share my precious Jesus was cancelled and I’m at a loss of what to do with the information I had already prepared. And most frightening, is God trying to tell me that I have no business pursuing a speaking/writing ministry? Is that why the event didn’t take place?

Weary. Overwhelmed. Insecure. These are the feelings I have. Because I cannot identify any valid reason for these feelings, I wind up feeling guilt-ridden, another uncomfortable feeling. So what do I do?

I bring them to my Jesus. I’m always quoting Jan Silvious and saying, “Feelings don’t have a brain.” Feelings just are; they have no rhyme or reason, they just are.

OK, so I bring these feelings to Jesus in prayer, in contemplation and I wait. I pour out my heart. I sit quietly and listen for the still, small voice to remind me of my priorities.

Doing His will no matter my feelings: that’s a priority.

Taking my thoughts captive: that’s a priority.

Continuing to spend time in the Bible with Him: that’s a priority.

Abiding in the True Vine as one of His branches: that’s a priority.

Thank you Father for showing me that my feelings don’t have the power to stop me from hearing Your voice…or responding in obedience. It’s my choice to pursue the priority....You!

PS - The weight loss continues going well.

Our Unchanging God

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.” 2 Peter 3:10

A few years ago while hiking on the Appalachian Trail (AT), I came across a mud slide on the side of a mountain in Vermont. My partner and I rounded a curve and were met with the sight of complete destruction and the trail just disappeared. Huge pine trees lay on the side of the mountain like match sticks that had been dropped to the ground by a giant. They were all facing the same direction with dirt and rock piled all around them.

We noticed some temporary trail markers, so we knew that other hikers had made it through the debris. We climbed up and over trees and through rock piles clambering carefully for about half of a mile until we resumed our hike on the well worn path of the AT.

I have never forgotten the awesome and somewhat frightening sight. It was a powerful reminder that this earth, which appears to be so permanent, is only temporary. That fact is easily forgotten as we live our lives as though this place, this world, is forever.

One day we will be in eternity and all that has been will pass away. Our Lord is the only truly permanent, unchanging entity that is worthy of our trust. Thank you Father for being unchanging and worthy!

From Family to Foe

“If an Ephraimite fugitive said, "Let me cross," the men of Gilead would ask, "Are you an Ephraimite?" and he would say, "No." And they would say, "Say, 'Shibboleth.'" But he would always say, "Sibboleth"—he couldn't say it right. Then they would grab him and kill him there at the fords of the Jordan.” Judges 12: 5-6 (MSG)

Let’s take a break from the topic of weight loss.

I came across the above verse in my reading the other day and it has been rolling around in my mind since then. As we read in this particular record of Israel’s history, Israel has spread far and wide in the Promised Land.

Because of the distance separating this huge family from one another, new dialects have emerged in what was once their common language.

Now they do not even recognize each other as family members and they are battling each other! How sad that after all the tribe had been through, in just a few short generations, they seem to have lost track of each other.

But think about it. There is a grave lesson in this story that emphasizes the need to gather with our “tribe” (read ‘peeps’).

You see, there is a unique vernacular, nuances in conversation, that becomes established between two people who spend much time together, a kind of verbal shorthand that both people understand without even trying.

And when people are not able to spend that kind of time, they will lose the ease of their conversation. How many of us have experienced this with our families, best friends, or even our spouse?

I’ve realized that the same could be said about our relationship with Jesus. Without the daily, hopefully day-long conversation called prayer, we will quickly lose our ease with Him and a language barrier may intrude on what should be our most intimate relationship.

I know that without that daily quiet time in the Word, in prayer and in silence waiting to hear from Jesus, I would soon not speak the same dialect, and quite possibly lose out on the sweet communion that is mine when I sit with Him, share my heart, and wait to hear His still small voice. Let’s not risk losing track of Jesus, the dearest Friend we will ever have!

Power for the Weak

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Is. 40:29

As I mentioned in my previous blog, Jesus has revealed a direct correlation with food and the abdication of self responsibility in my life; the less powerful I feel, the more food I put in my mouth! And perhaps if I had asked myself why I was mindlessly eating, I would have identified feeling powerless to meet needs….powerless to right wrongs, powerless to comfort pain, or powerless to engineer truces between warring factions. Like the picture, I take the world on my shoulders.

But the feelings of powerlessness are misplaced because those are not my responsibilities! Those wrongs were not mine to right, the pain some people had was not mine to comfort, and the warring factions needed to find a truce for themselves. The responsibility for meeting those needs belongs to God and His Holy Spirit. As Steven Curtis Chapman stated so succinctly, “God is God and I am not!” My responsibility begins and ends with myself, my family, my work, and, where I am invited, the lives of my friends. That’s it. My weakness is recognizing when and why I feel powerless. I am also weak when it comes to healthy food choices and portion sizes. And as I acknowledge this weakness, I can avail myself of the power of God, “who gives strength to the powerless.”

The Lord gives me the strength to make a healthy choice, to leave food on my plate, or to resist the second portion when I’m not even hungry. More importantly, in Him I can find the strength to identify when I’m taking not taking responsibility for meeting my needs, or taking responsibility to meet needs that do not belong to me. I ought to recognize when I’m using food as a method to “numb” the pain or the powerlessness. The truth is I am not powerless over myself. I have the power to say no. As I recognize God’s mighty hand revealing His truths in my heart and mind, I rejoice and accept the appropriate power He gives me to gain control over myself.

Understanding Learned Powerlessness

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Is. 40:29

In my last few blogs I have been sharing some of the lessons the Lord has been teaching me as I break the habit of over-eating. I recently began to recognize that the last several years have been deeply painful and highly stressful and that I have felt powerless to control the circumstances surrounding my life. And as I pondered the idea of powerlessness, I started to see a pattern of behavior emerge in my history.

Let me define exactly what I’m talking about. Children do not have the authority to make life decisions such as where to live, how money is spent, how discipline is applied, etc. Those decisions are left to their parents or guardians. Children learn how to make decisions by observing the adults in their lives making decisions and then being given the opportunity to make decisions for themselves. This is learned behavior. But what if the child does not observe or learn healthy decision making skills? The result can be an unwillingness to take ownership or authority in the decision making process, in other words, a learned helplessness or powerlessness.

I’m recognizing powerlessness has been my constant companion, starting in my childhood. With the specific dysfunctions in my family of origin, as a child many of my life circumstances were a result of someone else’s decisions and behaviors. As a young adult I had to learn to take back my appropriate power; my authority over myself; authority to say yes or no to someone; authority to engage or not engage in different activities, and the authority to experience the emotions I felt rather than denying them. Through counseling, prayer, and learning to trust “that I am who God says I am and that I can do all things through Christ” (thank you, Beth Moore and “Believing God”!) I made some significant progress in this arena.

However, when life becomes highly stressful, I fall back into the unhealthy behaviors, especially the behavior of learned helplessness that is so familiar. I found myself relinquishing my authority, my power in many areas of life, especially in my food choices. More succinctly, when profoundly stressed, I abdicate responsibility in my own life! But I have an inside track to taking back my power, for God gives strength to the powerless!

How about you? Do you find yourself abdicating responsibility in your life? How is that manifested? Does it take you time to recognize the behavior? I would love your feedback as I explore this topic further for my next blog.

And by the way, I have lost between 5 to 7 pounds in the last six weeks! I’m very excited about the weight loss, but I’m more excited about what God has been showing me in this process!

A Whack-a-Mole Wrinkle

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:8-10

I have a dear friend who says that sometimes life is like the game of whack-a-mole; as soon as you nail one problem, another problem springs up that requires attention. Just as I start to get an exercise regime in place, the food intake decreasing, and as I work at not retreating to food for comfort (refer to previous blog), I find myself irritable, emotional, overly sensitive, and downright no fun to be with…and I cannot escape my own company! I don’t like fighting feelings of negativity and rejection that are probably just figments of my imagination. But what do I do with these feelings? Numbing out with food allowed me to not feel and escaping negative feelings is pretty addictive. And I was a lot more fun to hang out with. Now, I find myself writhing internally with hurt, pain, anger and a host of other emotions that have long lay dormant and are spilling through me like the water behind a dam-burst! How do I deal?

Writing this blog is somewhat therapeutic but I’m not sure why anyone would want to read about the processing of my emotions. Or perhaps reading about the emotions of another frees one up to consider one’s own emotions. Meanwhile, I just want to sit with a bag of chips and watch the feelings disappear. However, processing the emotions is my prerequisite. So writing, working out, prayer, and talking with friends helps the processing of the emotions, but frankly, I feel foolish and vulnerable sharing feelings and weaknesses as I consider posting this blog.

To my chagrin, when I take self (read pride) out of the picture, maybe it is a glimpse into the process of working through my emotions that Jesus can use to encourage and enlighten others. Perhaps this blog is not about the success or failure of losing weight, but about sharing the process of what I am learning as I sit quietly before the Lord and listen for the still, small voice of my Deliverer. After all, my desire is that my life be about Jesus Christ and His will being lived out through me, even in my weakness. Maybe Jesus can use this for you, dear reader, so that you feel less isolated in your struggles to gain empowerment over issues of your own. I would love any feedback you have for me. Until then, get your mallets ready to whack-a-mole!

A Different Easter Celebration

For the first time in more years than I can remember, I was not in church on Easter Sunday. My husband and I had gone camping with our daughter and son-in-law for some much needed respite after a season of extreme stress and sadness. But early on Monday morning I was feeling so guilty! How could I have missed the one service in the year where the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ is celebrated? I tried to comfort myself by the fact that all day long yesterday I hummed, “Jesus Christ is Risen Today” but somehow, it didn’t seem like enough. How could I have missed declaring, “He is risen!” followed by, “He is risen indeed!” almost as though the phrase was a secret password for an exclusive club?

Even last night, I was awake fretting over the fact that I missed church yesterday. What would people think? Would they think I didn’t love Jesus? Would my status as a “good” Christian be called into question? Does my not attending a church service on Easter make me a backslidden Christian? Do I need to repent and confess that my heart and soul has been in a period of mourning and I just couldn’t bring myself to put on my Christian “suit” and behave like all born-again Christians are supposed to behave on Easter Sunday? Does Jesus think that I don’t love Him enough to attend church?

Finally this morning, after some quiet time with Jesus in the Word, then praying and listening, I turned to a loving, precious sister in Christ, and shared some of my fears and heart-aches. As I poured out my heart, the tears were flowing down my face as I wept over the grief and loss I have experienced over the last year. And after the phone call ended, I continued to weep with my Lord, sensing His comforting presence as though He had gathered me into His arms, as a mother would her injured child. I was comforted and soon my soul was feeling refreshed. The ringing of my phone gently interrupted my comfortable silence. The voice on the other end was a different beloved sister who was experiencing her own grief and was seeking counsel. As we spoke, God provided a unique opportunity to share the reality of my Easter morning with her. The following is how I spent my Easter morning.

I had the privilege of observing two sets of new-born twin lambs, barely an hour old. New life! They were still struggling to get to their feet, breathing air for the first time, and softly bleating as they explored their small stall. As I described the scene to my friend, my heart turned to Jesus, our Lamb, the paschal Lamb! Isaiah 53:7 tells us, “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.” As I described watching those new-born lambs, I was reminded of the unfathomable gift, a gift that I did not and do not deserve, but was given in spite of my sinful self: Jesus Christ and the indwelling Holy Spirit. Watching them yesterday, in that moment, I was once again overwhelmed with the grace of God the Father who was willing to allow His only-begotten Son to die on a cross, to show us His power and love by raising Jesus from the dead to new life to provide a means of communing with our holy Creator. And to think that we have been invited to receive this gift of new life through Jesus Christ! That is Easter – the celebration of the resurrection!

As I ended the conmversation with my friend, it became obvious to me that my heart needed to be reminded that Easter is not about attending a church service, or the sin of worrying about what people may be thinking about me. Easter is about truly worshipping Jesus Christ! As I told my friend, perhaps that was a far more authentic celebration of Easter: to be in a barn watching those little lambs so fresh and new to the world. May I be able to recognize that every day can be a celebration of His death and resurrection and the new life that I have because of that precious Lamb of God!

In My Heart of Hearts

Last year while attending our women’s retreat, I was privileged to become acquainted with our tremendous speaker, Wendi Pope of Proverbs 31 Ministries. As she delivered her message, I was gleaning deep spiritual truths and God convicted my heart about a sin of disobedience. I had long felt God was calling me to pursue a ministry of speaking and writing, but I was convinced that I had neither the ability nor the credentials to do it. In His grace, one of the truths that Wendi revealed is that God “will qualify the called, not necessarily call the qualified.” As I allowed that truth to permeate my being, God provided the means to take a leap of faith in radical obedience! Through Wendi, I learned about an amazing conference, fittingly called, ‘She Speaks!’ ‘She Speaks!’ is hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries and is a remarkable opportunity for women who believe God may be calling them into ministry for Christian writing and/or speaking. For the first time, acknowledging a longing in my heart of hearts, I took the risk of believing that God was calling me in a new direction for ministry. So feeling akin to Moses and his feelings of inadequacy, with great trepidation and astonishment at my own chutzpah I registered and started to gather the funds needed to attend.

And as always, when we are obedient, the Lord blesses! I have never been so energized, educated, and encouraged by a conference! ‘She Speaks!’ provides practical and thorough training as a speaker and/or a writer, while networking with like-minded women who are also pursuing their passion for Jesus Christ. The break-out sessions far exceeded my expectations, providing current information and resources while consistently focusing our hearts on serving Jesus Christ and our community. Furthermore, those who presented were knowledgeable and concise in what is required to succeed in a highly competitive marketplace. Is God possibly calling you to this ministry? Prayerfully consider going to Proverbs 31 Ministries to discover more details about attending this conference.

Upon returning home, I found myself taking steps to finally pursue the dream of a new ministry. Because of the encouragement of last year’s conference, I am involved in a local Christian writer’s group and working slowly but steadily on a book which I plan on presenting to a publisher at this year’s conference. Currently, I am registered and planning to attend ‘She Speaks!’ again this year. Proverbs 31 Ministries has provided even more incentive to attend this year’s conference by offering a scholarship for women who are bloggers. I started blogging and have been blessed by sharing what God is teaching me in my life. If you are a blogger and you would like more information, go to Lisa TerKeurst's blog . I cannot wait to reconnect with those I met last year, and I’m looking forward to making new relationships this year. My testimony is that while I may be living proof that God uses the “foolish things of the world to shame the wise”, I cannot adequately express God’s faithfulness in providing the venue of ‘She Speaks!’ Only our loving God could provide a woman like me such an opportunity to pursue a dream He planted deep in my heart of hearts.

The Order of Things

As many of my beloved readers may be aware, I am a routine individual (refer to the previous blog, “Bovine Creatures”). Last week was proof yet again of how discombobulated I become when my routine is interrupted! In my normal week I have daily devotions every morning and I also work-out three times a week. Mondays are usually my day to do a regular housecleaning: laundry, scrub floors, vacuum, clean bathrooms, pick-up, and generally set my agenda for the week. I see clients on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and between clients I write, do personal bills and our business invoicing and bookkeeping, along with ministry research. Fridays I leave open for a variety of things: writing, gardening, or perhaps major household projects. Basically, every day has its routine.

Last week however the routine was interrupted. I had a funereal to attend on Monday which encompassed most of the day. Therefore, Monday’s work got pushed to Tuesday leaving Wednesday and Thursday to become overwhelmingly busy so that I would be free to assist my husband on Friday with his business. Needless to say, all week long, I had to consult a calendar to remember what day of the week it was and avoid missing client appointments. I like my routine, the order of events; order allows me to accomplish my work and maintain sanity and the comfort of our household. I become confused, tired and grumpy when my routine is altered.

Oddly enough, during my devotion reading last week, I realized that Jesus had a routine, an order, to His life. As I was reading John 13:1-5, I was immediately arrested by the order of events as He prepared to wash the feet of His disciples. The passage reads like this:

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:1-5

Beginning in verse 1, John shares with us that Jesus knew that His time to leave the world and return to the Father from whom He had come was rapidly approaching. Jesus is longing to show His disciples the full extent of His love. Then, in verse 3, we read that Jesus knew that all power was His, that He had authority over everything, and that He had come from the Father and was returning to the Father. Did you catch it? That was the order: knowing how deeply beloved Jesus is by His Father and His authority was from God. Then Jesus would display His unfathomable love for His disciples. The only begotten Son of God, the Prince of Peace would don a simple towel, and take on the role of a servant to wash the filthy feet of His disciples.

I’m not saying that Jesus could not have become a servant to His disciples without first recognizing God’s love for Him. He’s perfect; of course He knew God’s love for Him! My point is that under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, John spells out an order of events for broken, weak, and faulty people: us. If we truly want to become the loving servant demonstrated by Jesus, we have to first stop and acknowledge to the depths of our soul how deeply loved we are by our Father; that we belong to Him as His children and He to us as our loving Father. God and God alone is the source of our power – power to love our neighbor and become their servant. Only as we acknowledge His love and care for us can we then, by the power of the Holy Spirit, become the loving servants God created us to be, in that order! Otherwise, we will become confused, grumpy, and exhausted!

If confused, grumpy, or exhausted is your state of mind, take a look inward. Are you focused on God’s love for you, even reveling in it? Or are you focusing on crossing your duties off of a never-ending list of chores, feeling resentful? Find the correct routine! Get things in order! I can’t speak for you, but I know that I have much to do to further His kingdom today and I do a better job when I do things in the correct order!

Bovine Creatures

“Grab her!” my mother yelled as I rounded the corner of the barn. Lucille, one of my mother’s Jersey cows was tossing her head and trying to push past three other cows to be the first to get into the barn. Mom leaped aside avoiding the stomping hooves and holding onto Pet’s halter for all she was worth. I jumped to grab Lucille’s halter and pulled with all my might to turn her away from the barn door. She needed to be the last cow in the barn so that she could give her new calf a drink. But Lucille was used to going into the barn first for the grain “treat” that would be awaiting her and was exhibiting her displeasure by trying to push Pet aside which was sending the rest of Mom’s small herd of seven cows into a mini stampede!

I learned a lot about cows growing up. Cows, as it turns out, are interesting creatures. While very curious and somewhat cantankerous, they are very routine animals. All of the cows know the routine; everybody has a stall to go into, in a very particular order, and if the routine is altered in any way, chaos will rule the day until the new routine has been established. Change does not come easily for cows.

Recently I have recognized that same bovine tendency in myself. Change does not come easily to me and I have been experiencing a season of changes; changes in relationships, changes within my church family, and even within my immediate family there have been some major changes. Some changes have been painful, others positive, and still others just dreadfully sad. I have felt my emotions fluctuating wildly depending on the events of any given day. Just as a herd of cows reacts to changes in their routines when they enter the barn, I am similarly affected when the routine relationships of my life are changed.

I think that is why knowing the truth of Hebrews 13:8, that “… Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever” has always been so precious to me. While changes are inevitable and seasons of change can be disconcerting, knowing that Jesus is constant, immutable, and unruffled by change is reassuring. My Savior knows the beginning from the end of everything that I am experiencing and none of it is unknown to Him. That fact gives me peace in spite of changing circumstances and relationships. How I praise God for His sovereignty through this changing season that feels chaotic to me! Now if I would just stop trying to push my way into the barn!!

Healing from Disease

Ezekiel 17:24: “And all the trees will know that it is I, the Lord, who cuts the tall tree down and makes the short tree grow tall. It is I who makes the green tree wither and gives the dead tree new life. I, the Lord, have spoken, and I will do what I said!” (NLT)

As many of you know I am an avid gardener. I love spending time in my gardens and watching the beauty of God’s creation unfold through the seasons as the plants, shrubs and trees go through the assorted stages of growth. However there are times when a plant just doesn’t thrive for various reasons. Then I have to research the needs of the plant to be sure of the amount of sunlight or rain it receives, if it is getting enough nutrients and checking it for parasites or disease. Ideally, as the issue is addressed, the plant will return to a healthy state and continue to grow.
Through the autumn months, I have been watching one of my favorite trees suffering through an issue of ‘split-bark’ disease. ‘Split-bark’ disease is sometimes the result of large temperature changes that result in the splitting of the bark of thinner barked trees. It may not kill the entire tree but the area of bark that splits needs to be treated so that a callous can develop and prevent any other disease from setting in. Smaller limbs above the split will manifest the lack of nutrients by the leaves curling up and dying, and may lead to the death of the rest of the branch. However, with the removal of the affected limbs and treating the affected bark, many times the rest of the tree will continue to flourish, the gaps from previous removal of branches will eventually fill-in and the tree will be restored to health and vigor.
Right now I believe my church is suffering through a very similar issue of ‘split-bark’ disease. Individuals have sinned for various reasons (splitting bark), and the result has been accusations (withering of leaves) and the death of relationships within the body (death of limbs). We have tried to treat the affected area of damage, but gossip (other disease) has set in, and now the whole body (tree) is suffering.
But amazingly enough, we are still seeing new growth! God’s amazing grace mercy and love are supplying the nutrients for new growth in spite of the disease! New people are coming in the doors of our building to learn about and worship our risen Lord. People are growing in their relationship with Jesus Christ and new people are accepting Christ, almost on a weekly basis. God is showing us His mighty power. He is taking center stage which is where He belongs in the first place, and growing His body, the church (tree). My joy knows no bounds!