R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Find Out What it Means to Jesus)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Eph. 4: 2

 Respect: Aretha famously sang about it. Our society complains about the lack thereof.  But not long ago, I was confronted by the lack of respect within myself.  I was taught some difficult truth by a person that I, sinfully, did not value as I should.  While I am not proud of this fact, I found the Holy Spirit speaking sternly to me in my arrogance and hammered home a lesson I’m not likely to forget anytime soon!  But as usually happens when the Lord moves, the experience also allowed me to ponder the necessity of respect for others.  Even if I don’t particularly like someone, or believe that somehow I am superior, I am to treat each individual with respect.  Period.

The fact is every person is created in the image of God according to Genesis 1:27.  If I’m “completely humble and gentle” than respect is present.   In Philippians 2:3, Paul also says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,…” Frankly, that is the definition for respect: “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person.”

How would our relationships alter if we recognized the creation made in God’s image in every individual we encountered?  What do we miss when we are unwilling to view others through the lenses of the Lord and see them as He does?  Honestly, the path to maturity is cultivated through relationships…and respect is one of our most important tools.  Thankfully, the Lord handed me that tool (again) through one of His children and altered my vision in the process.  

Acquainted With Grief

“He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” Is. 53:3 (NASB)

Grief is a strange emotion.  There is no timeline.  It ebbs and flows with its own course to be experienced through a lifetime.  Twenty-six years ago today I lost a daughter, Erin.  She was stillborn at the end of an entire nine months.  Nine months twenty-six years ago; it seems like a lifetime.  While Jesus has granted me a great deal of healing through His grace (See ‘Amazing Grace’ Sept. 2009), I find that some years are more difficult than others.

Do people ever look beyond my smiling lips to see my eyes subduing the sudden pain in my heart?  Do they recognize the loss so intimate, the stillborn child, unknown to all but me?  Nine months spent fruitlessly waiting to fill empty arms that would never be filled with that particular life.  Her life unlived amid dreams never to be fulfilled, laughter never to be shared, and the birthdays never to be celebrated, but mourned over year after year: that is my truth.  A life unidentified to anyone else, but never forgotten by me, her movements felt by no one else save me.  Although twenty-six years have passed, the heartache can still be so sharp, the memories so fresh, it’s as though the delivery day took place just yesterday.   These are my memories:

Unforgettable, the silence of that delivery room; tears of anguish flowing unchecked accompanied by the low moaning of the young mother.  The only other sounds: a quietly weeping nurse as she wiped clean the still, un-breathing baby of what should have been life-giving blood and the clanking of instruments.  A young father stood silently, overwhelmed and withdrawn from the unthinkable horror of the moment.  Precious, fine baby hair was snipped and footprints taken from the unmoving infant for later recollection of parents destroyed by grief.

The memorial service was centered on the tiny coffin with words spoken that are no longer remembered.  Her mother unable to contain the grief, wailing her tears, yet ashamed of the emotions she couldn’t control.  A father so shut down, he was unable to mourn, trying, but unable, to comfort his wife.  He would later run from his grief into his job and be swallowed by it. 

Months afterward, at home, two toddlers confused by not understanding a mother who alternated between sobbing bitterly and fiercely hugging them.  For a time, hope seemed impossible and what does normal life look like after burying a baby?  Oddly enough, the sun still rises in the morning and the demands of children continue in spite of the agony of loss.  Life does go on.

As I read what I have written, I realize that the recollections are written it in third person, probably to maintain the distance that it took years to achieve.  Now when I look back, I don’t know how I got through that time in my life.  I was twenty-three years old.  My life was forever altered by that event.  How can one prepare for such a cataclysm?  However, that event started me on a search for purpose.  I had to find a love that would not die, a reality that could move me beyond the brokenness to find healing and hope. 

Jesus Christ was, and is, the only unchanging, perfect love that I could find.  He, too, was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief and He understood my pain.  That the Father in heaven comforted me in my pain, I have no doubt.  The Holy Spirit’s power activated in my life is the only explanation for the ability to come to terms with such a harrowing loss.  That love started a healing process that I will never understand.

For whatever reason, this year the memory of the delivery day and what followed was sharper than it has been for a very long time, hence this blog.  I will always miss Erin and I will always wonder who she would have become.  But I have undeniable, assured hope that I will see her again.  My arms will be filled with that particular life that I carried for nine months.  And my heart will finally be whole once more.

From 9/11 to Hope

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Any of us who were present for Sept. 11, 2001 have a story of where we were when we either watched or heard the most incredible news: the United States was under attack.  In that moment, our lives changed radically and a nation long divided by politics, religion, and economic status was united in response to the senseless deaths of over two thousand nine hundred people.

As I watched the opening of the National 9/11 Memorial and the memorial service on the tenth anniversary of that tragic event, I was moved to tears by the stories of the lives so transformed by that day; the children who lost parents, the mothers who lost sons, etc.  I personally did not lose a loved one, but as a member of this nation, I mourned with those who mourned on Sunday.   Today I offer this simple poem of my thoughts and emotions as a tribute to those who lost their lives and the families who survived to go on and inspire a nation to hope again.

From 9/11 to Hope

Smoking building, falling debris;

Chaos crushing, hard to breath,

Lives were sacrificed for thee.

Confusion, terror, loss of peers

Numbness, anguish, mounting fears;

Fury for children’s mourning tears.

Mothers, fathers, daughters, sons,

Husbands, wives, beloved ones;

Love unending, forgetting none.

National mourning, the world responds,

Kings, prime ministers, vagabonds;

None untouched, all undone.

Soaring growth, memorials built,

Some still fight survivor’s guilt

But none give up; seek peace, be still.

Ten years passed, lives renewed,

Children grown, all hearts imbued

To cherished hope they cling unmoved.

Hiding

“But I will strip Esau bare; I will uncover his hiding places, so that he cannot conceal himself.” Jeremiah 49:10

You know, I have experienced God’s speaking into my life in such amazing ways.  Yet each time I am surprised…and awed…that the God of the universe who put the planets into place and knows each star by name will still pursue me and love me enough to make me holy.  But the means by which He reaches me can surely make me very uncomfortable and I am still prideful enough to resist.  But here is His latest conviction to my heart.

I am hiding.

I am staying safe within my little world, which over the last few years has dwindled from a huge “family” of about three hundred people to about fifteen.  Circumstances aside, I have become cowardly when it comes to relationships.  And there are many people whose forgiveness I am still seeking for my withdrawal.

The really difficult part is having the healthy boundaries to know who is safe to come further into my world and who has shown themselves unsafe and therefore needs to remain at a safe distance.  Herein lies the rub; and I’m still trying to figure this all out.

But the most amazing part is that I am preparing to speak at a woman’s retreat about this very topic!  My topic is “Risking Outward”, meaning how do I love others when I am afraid? However, God in His faithfulness is answering me clearly and concisely.  Therefore, I have a lot of “ ‘splainin’ ” to do.  And many people of whom I will be asking forgiveness.  How God must “shake His head” to confront me in my sin in such a manner…and haul me out of my hiding place. 

If you believe you are one of those people, I would surely love your assistance!  Call me, or send me a Face Book message, or an e-mail.  But don’t let me go any longer retreating into my little world.  I need relationship with you as much as you do me!

A Single Moment

 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:7-9

I saw the most amazing sight today:  a Cooper’s hawk grabbed a Mourning Dove right out of thin air!  I was just stepping outside with my dog when the two doves were startled from the ground and took off for the trees behind my deck.  Suddenly, I saw the hawk swoop from a branch and grab one of the doves in mid-air with incredible precision.  Feathers flew as did the remaining dove making a quick escape, flying for its life.  There was barely a sound as the hawk flew off into the woods with its lunch clenched firmly in its talons.  This all took place in a single moment,

That moment grabbed my attention.  Just like that dove, Satan can grab us when we least expect it!  As Peter reminds us, we must remain alert and remember that Satan is prowling about just looking for an opportunity to devour us.  Satan uses all kinds of distractions to tempt us: the computer, TV, the Coach bag that is out of our budget, or (in my case) a second helping of dessert!  Thankfully, unlike that dove, we usually have plenty of time to make a decision about the temptation we face.  But there are situations when we might only have a single moment to decide.

What choice will you make today?

How’s Your Heart?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  Prov.4:23

I've just finished doing some painting in my kitchen, and living room.  It’s been several years… OK, more than ten years…. since these rooms were painted.  I must say there is nothing like a fresh coat of paint to make rooms look like new!  Frankly, I was so accustomed to the appearance of the rooms that I really couldn’t “see” them until the fresh paint was applied.  Now it’s apparent that the walls were in dire need of fresh paint!

It occurs to me that our hearts can be in dire need of “fresh paint”.  I can become calloused and hard if I don’t do the daily maintenance to prevent my heart from becoming dingy and dull.  Sitting quietly with Jesus in the Word, in prayer, and talking of spiritual matters with other Christians, helps to protect my heart from the dirt (sin) and pollution (world) in which I live.  Confession and repentance of the sins allows the Lord to purify me daily.  Monitoring the unhealthy influences of TV, internet, and other media are the preventive measures I can take to maintain the cleanliness of my heart.  It’s a battle. 

But the moment- to-moment battle guarding my heart is far less exhausting as I allow the love of God to permeate every available space in my heart.  Nothing can preserve the integrity of my heart more than the unfailing unfathomable love of my holy and gracious heavenly Father.  My heart is in His hands.  How’s your heart today?

God’s Presence

“Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:15-16

In my personal devotion reading this past week, I found something that I had never really noticed before.  In 2 Chronicles 7, I read that Solomon had completed construction of the Temple and is dedicating it.  Those of you who have been following my blog know of the struggle to lose weight and the importance of my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 3:16. 

The Temple was known as the resting place of God’s presence.  And as I strive to bring my “temple” under His authority, I realized that the power and comfort the Temple brought to the nation of Israel is just as accessible for me today!  I was struck by the verses I quoted to open this blog because in these Scripture, I am reassured that He is consecrating this “temple”, His eyes and ears are open to the prayers I offer Him, and His eyes and heart are always with me.  Therefore, I am never abandoned, I am never alone, nor am I a hopeless case when it comes to my weight!

As a matter of fact, I have lost two sizes since January!  But thankfully the size of my “temple” does not determine His presence, nor does my behavior.  His presence is determined by His consecration of me.  According to Dictionary.com, ‘consecration’ means “to make or declare sacred or holy.”  He’s doing the work.  My job is to join Him in the work He’s doing.  Meanwhile, I am enjoying the fruits of His presence and His labors!

The Light Inside

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

I am tired of cloudy, overcast skies!  If you live in New England, you will be able to relate to what I’m talking about: a lack of sunshine.  Rainy, grey, heavily overcast skies have prevailed, with no sun for days on end.  Then for half a day the sun will shine and it feels like we are finally turning a corner, until the next morning and the fog is as thick as pea soup and the skies are again leaden with clouds.  That has been our reality this month and yes I know things are awful weather-wise all around the country, but as I contemplated our weather specifically, I was reminded just how much we humans long for the sun to shine!

But as always, God had a message in those clouds for me.  Do I remember that I carry the light of life within me?

Do you?

Truthfully, I don’t always live like that is my reality.  A question in my heart was asked: how much has Jesus shined in me this week, month, or year?  I have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit!  How is the light escaping into the darkness of a hurting world?  Do I love my neighbor?  Am I seeking to make peace and extend forgiveness?  How about my prayer life?  Am I living as a servant to all those around me? 

I am carrying the light of the world within me.  May God empower me to allow His Son to shine with His purpose and for His glory!

Llama Drama

^“What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.”  Luke 15:4-5 (NASB)

Several years ago, I was in my office on the phone with my husband.  Looking up, there they were!  Four llamas went trotting past my yard and continued down the street.  I quickly ended my phone call, saying to Bob, “You won’t believe this but there are four llamas running down our street!  I have to go!”

Without hesitation, I grabbed a dog leash and headed down the street in search of the llamas.  Because I grew up on a farm I was not the least bit afraid of them unlike some of the other people helping to catch them.  After quite an intensive herding effort by many neighbors in cars and trucks, I was able to catch one and slip the leash around her neck and guide her back to her pasture. 

Finally, the other three llamas were herded into the proper farm yard and I was able to set my charge free to join her mates safe and sound in their own pen.  By the time I returned home a good hour had passed and I knew I had to call my husband back and fill him in on the outcome of the wandering llamas!

When I finally stopped laughing about being part of such an unusual rural drama, I wondered how the owners would have felt if they had returned home and their llamas were missing.  I’m sure they were thrilled that people had taken the time to corral and return their animals.  

I love how God uses such strange and funny things to get my attention. As I thought further, I had a sobering thought.  I realized how rarely I see the lost “sheep” in my small world.  And I take for granted my precious Savior’s concern for His lost sheep.  Am I sensitive to the people He brings across my path?  Would I spend as much time ascertaining their spiritual needs as I did the need for the llamas to be returned to their home?  Do I ever stop to remember the extravagant price Jesus paid to rescue His lost sheep, including me?  May God grant me His insight to recognizing lost “sheep” as well as lost llamas!

Learning to Rest

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28

I’ve always learned a great deal about our Lord from His creation, through gardening, hiking, and animals. Recently, God revealed an interesting analogy to me using my dog Sheila who is 14 years old.

She’s an Australian Shepherd, one of the best dogs I have ever owned, and a true companion. She is deaf and partially blind now and her hips have been causing her pain and stiffness so that climbing the stairs of our home has become a painful and slow process. So for about the last year my husband has been carrying her up the stairs to our bedroom most nights.

Initially she would struggle and fight being carried and thankfully Bob, a big strong guy, was able to manage her so she didn’t fall or bring him down with her! Over the months her struggling became less and less until, finally, she barely struggles at all.

I’ve realized learning to rest in the Lord is very similar. Resting requires time and opportunity.

It took Sheila time and many trips up the stairs in Bob’s arms before she realized she was safe and didn’t have to struggle against Bob. We need time and opportunity with God holding us in His everlasting arms (Deut. 33:27) before we realize that we are safest in His arms.

When you find yourself struggling against God, take a moment and reflect on previous opportunities where God carried you. Then ask yourself, why are you struggling this time? He carried you safely before and He will carry you safely again.

So, exhale and rest. Rest quietly in His arms.

Our Unchanging God

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.” 2 Peter 3:10

A few years ago while hiking on the Appalachian Trail (AT), I came across a mud slide on the side of a mountain in Vermont. My partner and I rounded a curve and were met with the sight of complete destruction and the trail just disappeared. Huge pine trees lay on the side of the mountain like match sticks that had been dropped to the ground by a giant. They were all facing the same direction with dirt and rock piled all around them.

We noticed some temporary trail markers, so we knew that other hikers had made it through the debris. We climbed up and over trees and through rock piles clambering carefully for about half of a mile until we resumed our hike on the well worn path of the AT.

I have never forgotten the awesome and somewhat frightening sight. It was a powerful reminder that this earth, which appears to be so permanent, is only temporary. That fact is easily forgotten as we live our lives as though this place, this world, is forever.

One day we will be in eternity and all that has been will pass away. Our Lord is the only truly permanent, unchanging entity that is worthy of our trust. Thank you Father for being unchanging and worthy!

Power for the Weak

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Is. 40:29

As I mentioned in my previous blog, Jesus has revealed a direct correlation with food and the abdication of self responsibility in my life; the less powerful I feel, the more food I put in my mouth! And perhaps if I had asked myself why I was mindlessly eating, I would have identified feeling powerless to meet needs….powerless to right wrongs, powerless to comfort pain, or powerless to engineer truces between warring factions. Like the picture, I take the world on my shoulders.

But the feelings of powerlessness are misplaced because those are not my responsibilities! Those wrongs were not mine to right, the pain some people had was not mine to comfort, and the warring factions needed to find a truce for themselves. The responsibility for meeting those needs belongs to God and His Holy Spirit. As Steven Curtis Chapman stated so succinctly, “God is God and I am not!” My responsibility begins and ends with myself, my family, my work, and, where I am invited, the lives of my friends. That’s it. My weakness is recognizing when and why I feel powerless. I am also weak when it comes to healthy food choices and portion sizes. And as I acknowledge this weakness, I can avail myself of the power of God, “who gives strength to the powerless.”

The Lord gives me the strength to make a healthy choice, to leave food on my plate, or to resist the second portion when I’m not even hungry. More importantly, in Him I can find the strength to identify when I’m taking not taking responsibility for meeting my needs, or taking responsibility to meet needs that do not belong to me. I ought to recognize when I’m using food as a method to “numb” the pain or the powerlessness. The truth is I am not powerless over myself. I have the power to say no. As I recognize God’s mighty hand revealing His truths in my heart and mind, I rejoice and accept the appropriate power He gives me to gain control over myself.

A Whack-a-Mole Wrinkle

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:8-10

I have a dear friend who says that sometimes life is like the game of whack-a-mole; as soon as you nail one problem, another problem springs up that requires attention. Just as I start to get an exercise regime in place, the food intake decreasing, and as I work at not retreating to food for comfort (refer to previous blog), I find myself irritable, emotional, overly sensitive, and downright no fun to be with…and I cannot escape my own company! I don’t like fighting feelings of negativity and rejection that are probably just figments of my imagination. But what do I do with these feelings? Numbing out with food allowed me to not feel and escaping negative feelings is pretty addictive. And I was a lot more fun to hang out with. Now, I find myself writhing internally with hurt, pain, anger and a host of other emotions that have long lay dormant and are spilling through me like the water behind a dam-burst! How do I deal?

Writing this blog is somewhat therapeutic but I’m not sure why anyone would want to read about the processing of my emotions. Or perhaps reading about the emotions of another frees one up to consider one’s own emotions. Meanwhile, I just want to sit with a bag of chips and watch the feelings disappear. However, processing the emotions is my prerequisite. So writing, working out, prayer, and talking with friends helps the processing of the emotions, but frankly, I feel foolish and vulnerable sharing feelings and weaknesses as I consider posting this blog.

To my chagrin, when I take self (read pride) out of the picture, maybe it is a glimpse into the process of working through my emotions that Jesus can use to encourage and enlighten others. Perhaps this blog is not about the success or failure of losing weight, but about sharing the process of what I am learning as I sit quietly before the Lord and listen for the still, small voice of my Deliverer. After all, my desire is that my life be about Jesus Christ and His will being lived out through me, even in my weakness. Maybe Jesus can use this for you, dear reader, so that you feel less isolated in your struggles to gain empowerment over issues of your own. I would love any feedback you have for me. Until then, get your mallets ready to whack-a-mole!

In My Heart of Hearts

Last year while attending our women’s retreat, I was privileged to become acquainted with our tremendous speaker, Wendi Pope of Proverbs 31 Ministries. As she delivered her message, I was gleaning deep spiritual truths and God convicted my heart about a sin of disobedience. I had long felt God was calling me to pursue a ministry of speaking and writing, but I was convinced that I had neither the ability nor the credentials to do it. In His grace, one of the truths that Wendi revealed is that God “will qualify the called, not necessarily call the qualified.” As I allowed that truth to permeate my being, God provided the means to take a leap of faith in radical obedience! Through Wendi, I learned about an amazing conference, fittingly called, ‘She Speaks!’ ‘She Speaks!’ is hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries and is a remarkable opportunity for women who believe God may be calling them into ministry for Christian writing and/or speaking. For the first time, acknowledging a longing in my heart of hearts, I took the risk of believing that God was calling me in a new direction for ministry. So feeling akin to Moses and his feelings of inadequacy, with great trepidation and astonishment at my own chutzpah I registered and started to gather the funds needed to attend.

And as always, when we are obedient, the Lord blesses! I have never been so energized, educated, and encouraged by a conference! ‘She Speaks!’ provides practical and thorough training as a speaker and/or a writer, while networking with like-minded women who are also pursuing their passion for Jesus Christ. The break-out sessions far exceeded my expectations, providing current information and resources while consistently focusing our hearts on serving Jesus Christ and our community. Furthermore, those who presented were knowledgeable and concise in what is required to succeed in a highly competitive marketplace. Is God possibly calling you to this ministry? Prayerfully consider going to Proverbs 31 Ministries to discover more details about attending this conference.

Upon returning home, I found myself taking steps to finally pursue the dream of a new ministry. Because of the encouragement of last year’s conference, I am involved in a local Christian writer’s group and working slowly but steadily on a book which I plan on presenting to a publisher at this year’s conference. Currently, I am registered and planning to attend ‘She Speaks!’ again this year. Proverbs 31 Ministries has provided even more incentive to attend this year’s conference by offering a scholarship for women who are bloggers. I started blogging and have been blessed by sharing what God is teaching me in my life. If you are a blogger and you would like more information, go to Lisa TerKeurst's blog . I cannot wait to reconnect with those I met last year, and I’m looking forward to making new relationships this year. My testimony is that while I may be living proof that God uses the “foolish things of the world to shame the wise”, I cannot adequately express God’s faithfulness in providing the venue of ‘She Speaks!’ Only our loving God could provide a woman like me such an opportunity to pursue a dream He planted deep in my heart of hearts.

Bovine Creatures

“Grab her!” my mother yelled as I rounded the corner of the barn. Lucille, one of my mother’s Jersey cows was tossing her head and trying to push past three other cows to be the first to get into the barn. Mom leaped aside avoiding the stomping hooves and holding onto Pet’s halter for all she was worth. I jumped to grab Lucille’s halter and pulled with all my might to turn her away from the barn door. She needed to be the last cow in the barn so that she could give her new calf a drink. But Lucille was used to going into the barn first for the grain “treat” that would be awaiting her and was exhibiting her displeasure by trying to push Pet aside which was sending the rest of Mom’s small herd of seven cows into a mini stampede!

I learned a lot about cows growing up. Cows, as it turns out, are interesting creatures. While very curious and somewhat cantankerous, they are very routine animals. All of the cows know the routine; everybody has a stall to go into, in a very particular order, and if the routine is altered in any way, chaos will rule the day until the new routine has been established. Change does not come easily for cows.

Recently I have recognized that same bovine tendency in myself. Change does not come easily to me and I have been experiencing a season of changes; changes in relationships, changes within my church family, and even within my immediate family there have been some major changes. Some changes have been painful, others positive, and still others just dreadfully sad. I have felt my emotions fluctuating wildly depending on the events of any given day. Just as a herd of cows reacts to changes in their routines when they enter the barn, I am similarly affected when the routine relationships of my life are changed.

I think that is why knowing the truth of Hebrews 13:8, that “… Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever” has always been so precious to me. While changes are inevitable and seasons of change can be disconcerting, knowing that Jesus is constant, immutable, and unruffled by change is reassuring. My Savior knows the beginning from the end of everything that I am experiencing and none of it is unknown to Him. That fact gives me peace in spite of changing circumstances and relationships. How I praise God for His sovereignty through this changing season that feels chaotic to me! Now if I would just stop trying to push my way into the barn!!

Perfect Perspective

I have always loved flying. My husband, who is more traveled and more sophisticated than I am, doesn’t get as wound up about flying as I do. He will want to sit next to the window so that he can sleep! Sleep! Who can sleep? I revert to behaving like a five year old, I get so excited. I will beg to sit next to the window so that I can look out and observe the world from a cloud’s perspective. I don’t want to miss anything, especially if it is a clear day. I strain to find the local rotary as a reference point so I can try to find my house if we head south from Boston. I search the shoreline for landmarks to help me know which city or state over which we might be flying. I love how mountains look like wrinkles on the surface of the earth, and watching rivers snake back and forth through the expanse of the landscape below. I scrutinize the ocean with bated breath in anticipation of spotting a whale, an ocean liner or a carrier when flying over water. We have such an awesome perspective when flying thousands of feet above the earth!

Unfortunately, I do not always have such an awesome perspective on my spiritual life. Last week I blogged about my own perspective on an upsetting issue. As I prayed through my confusion, fear, and anger, God in His faithfulness revealed something that was painful for me to see. He started subtly since our Father is a gentleman and I can be somewhat slow on the uptake! However the subtlety ended when, through our pastor’s sermon, God hit me right between the proverbial eyes of my soul. Idolatry! I have been guilty of the sin of making my church an idol! And to add insult to injury, idolatry was the topic of the lesson I was teaching for the Women’s Sunday school class! Ouch!

After a time of confession and repentance I have gained a new perspective on the issues at church. Luke 6: 41 spells it out for me loud and clear: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye”? Why indeed? Jesus showed me very clearly that, as my mother would say, I should tend to my own knitting! At the end of the day, I am going to stand before God and account for my actions, my thoughts, my sins; no one else’s. I have plenty of work to do on myself in my quest to be more Christ-like; my time would be better spent focusing on Jesus, above the church, above my loved ones, above anything, especially the actions of others. Caring for the hearts of others is the responsibility of Jesus and frankly, He is much better suited to it than I am. After all, He has the perfect perspective!

The Danger of Idols

We are so proficient at creating idols! We readily become enamored of someone or something until we are not aware that we have put it ahead of God. How dangerous and destructive when that idol becomes a rallying point around which a faction is built. And ultimately, within a church family, how heartbreaking it is when our triune God is not the focus, the idol, around which we rally. The consequences can last for decades effecting precious lives in a manner that we may never begin to fathom.

Case in point; good Christians, people that I love, behaved in a fashion that I could or would never have believed possible of them. The disrespect shown to their pastor and the lack of thoughtfulness for children and less mature Christians from wiser, more mature Christians, was unsettling. To witness such incredible behavior in God’s house following a worship service where we had been exalting our Savior who forgave, redeemed and restored us left me stunned and grieved in my spirit. Unfortunately having witnessed such behavior, I was reminded of a poignant truth: there but for the grace of God go I.

As I examine my own heart, I recognize that I have created my own idols in my past and behaved similarly. I am still learning that unless I am pursuing only Jesus, always Jesus, I will fall into the sin of idolatry! Psalm 106:36 spells it out for us: “They worshiped their idols, which became a snare to them.” For whatever comes before Jesus will be a snare, defined as: “a device, often consisting of a noose, for capturing small game; anything serving to entrap or entangle unawares”. I am not immune to the brokenness within me that allows me to idolize my own ideas of right or wrong or my perceptions of truth or falsehood. Consequently, nothing can come before Jesus Christ: my church, my pastor, my friends, my spouse, nothing! Without the example of Jesus before me daily, I will become ensnared in my truth, turn from His truth, and travel down a road of destruction.

As a member of Christ’s body, I have an obligation to constantly examine my own heart and allow others who are objective to lovingly examine my heart because I can be blind to my sin. I must scrutinize: am I considering others better than myself (Phil. 2:3)? Am I striving to preserve a teachable spirit? Am I prepared to admit an offense and seek forgiveness and restoration? Am I actively pursuing my Jesus above all things, above any idea, above any one? With Jesus as my cornerstone, my source of strength, and my anchor, grace, restoration and healing are possible through His indwelling Holy Spirit.

Consider this an antidote for all of us: let us humble ourselves, immerse ourselves in prayer, agree to resolve to our differences wherever possible, and move forward with the ministry to which we have been called. Honest communication and transparent soul searching within the community of our church will be a step. For the benefit of our children, for the building up of our brothers and sisters, let us endeavor to seek Jesus first and foremost! Repentance, forgiveness, and restoration will result in a united body. May God find us faithful to the great Commandment and the great Commission while joyfully serving Him and each other.