Maturity in Spite of Me

“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”  Ephesians 4: 14 – 15

I wanted his approval and good will more than I wanted to be holy.  I wanted to be held in high esteem, so I tolerated bad behavior and foolish jesting at the expense of others.  My desire for acceptance was greater than my desire for God.  These are my sins…confessed, repented of, forgiveness requested and received before the Lord and the appropriate individuals, now shared to make this point: spiritual maturity is attained slowly but surely in spite of self because God is mightier than foolishness or sin.  He will finish His work in us.

As many of you [readers] are aware, relationships are extremely important to me.  But as I reflect, those relationships were not more important to me than my standing before particular individuals.  Through the consequence of the loss of those relationships over the last few years, along with the humbling and difficult work of repairing them, the Holy Spirit is doing the transforming work required to make me “grow up”.  Spiritual maturity requires hard work!  And I believe relationships are the means by which Jesus is transforming me, and you, to spiritually mature people who resemble Jesus. 

Truth in my inmost being was required first: truth about who God is and His mighty power used to make me holy through the circumstances of this life that His sovereignty allows.  Truth about my sins: my desires, my will, being more important than the will of the Savior who rescued me from the pit of hell.  Finally, I had to be honest and recognize that my life in Him is to reflect and pursue kingdom purposes; “His kingdom come, His will be done”.

My next step was in observing others through the Lord’s perspective: each individual is His creation.  Therefore, I had no choice but to respect each individual and their opinions, cull the wheat from the chaff and pray for wisdom and understanding to confront my sinful behavior and make amends where I could.  Restoration is the work of God and I am to join Him in that work.

Finally, I must continue to apply the above steps willfully and intentionally if I am submitting to the work of the Holy Spirit.  Today I am celebrating God’s faithfulness, love, mercy and eternal presence in my life.  I still have a long way to go in this process of maturity and I won’t be surprised if I have to practice these steps many times to get it right!  But I’m in this for the long haul…to become like Jesus, to be presented as blameless before my holy, righteous God.  Amen.

No More Illusions

“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.” Eph. 4:25 (MSG)

Have you ever gone through a period of time that has left you so discouraged, hurt and confused that you don’t even know what you need?  Thankfully, while I’m on the road out of that pit, I am discovering afresh and anew how sovereign our heavenly Father is and how willingly He meets our needs if we will just turn to Him.  Considering the last few years, the Lord’s timing of focusing my heart on the book of Ephesians is wrought with irony and loving mercy.

 One painful lesson I learned preparing for the retreat concerns truth.   Regrettably, people will inadvertently distort truth through the lenses of perspective.  I used the idea of an optical illusion to emphasize this point.  Optical illusions can affect our perception of reality.  Similarly, one person’s perspective impacts another person’s perception of truth.  In other words, facts from one person’s viewpoint may be very different from another person’s.  Without prayer and discernment, I cannot bank on the perception of facts from one or two people to be truth.  Jesus is the only one who is in possession of all of the facts of any situation because He sees the hearts of all the participants.  We cannot.  Only as the Lord reveals actual truth can we make decisions and progress accordingly.  That’s one reason why we are to forgive others, and bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2); otherwise as the body of Christ, we will be divided.

After all that I have experienced, I’m doing my level best to remember that because imperfect, broken people are involved (including me) in my life, truth will always be shaded with the perspectives of all involved!  If I can remember this, then, even while I lick my wounds, I can respond with praise for God’s ability to reveal TRUTH!  

Robust In Love: Opening

“We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do.  He keeps us in step with each other.  His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.” Eph. 4: 15 – 16 (MSG)

This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s retreat for the women of my church.  I was one of three speakers and our title was “Robust in Love” taken from the verse highlighted in today's blog.  Our focus was the necessity for maturity as godly women and emphasizing the building of God’s kingdom through us. 

Our first speaker spoke on “Trusting Upward” and shared her powerful testimony as to how the Lord called her out of a sinful life through some painful and life-changing trials.  The turning point of falling in love with Jesus came through an amazingly simple circumstance: a loved one had asked her to read the Bible aloud and over the course of time, as the words started to move from her brain and sink into her heart, the love God has for her was revealed as though a blindfold was removed from her eyes!  That is the power of the Word of God!

Our final speaker addressed “Peace Inward” and shared how we can find peace even when we feel abandoned, angry, hurt, or worse in the storms of life while we learn the enduring truth of God’s goodness, love, and grace for us as He brings us to maturity. 

I was the second speaker and my specific topic was called “Risking Outward.”   It may sound odd, but frankly, how many of us have a true understanding of what it means to “love our neighbors as ourselves”?  Yet, that is our commandment: to share the love we have received in our horizontal relationships in a manner that is glorifying to God.  So how do we live out relationships that glorify God?  I will be addressing this topic through a small series of blogs for the next few weeks.  I hope and pray you will join me as I share how the Lord stepped on my toes and challenged me as I researched and prayed through the book of Ephesians.   

For now, I want to leave you with a question: what prevents us from loving our neighbor, our spouse, or our child in a manner that brings glory to God?  Please read Ephesians and my future blogs and we’ll compare answers!

Acquainted With Grief

“He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” Is. 53:3 (NASB)

Grief is a strange emotion.  There is no timeline.  It ebbs and flows with its own course to be experienced through a lifetime.  Twenty-six years ago today I lost a daughter, Erin.  She was stillborn at the end of an entire nine months.  Nine months twenty-six years ago; it seems like a lifetime.  While Jesus has granted me a great deal of healing through His grace (See ‘Amazing Grace’ Sept. 2009), I find that some years are more difficult than others.

Do people ever look beyond my smiling lips to see my eyes subduing the sudden pain in my heart?  Do they recognize the loss so intimate, the stillborn child, unknown to all but me?  Nine months spent fruitlessly waiting to fill empty arms that would never be filled with that particular life.  Her life unlived amid dreams never to be fulfilled, laughter never to be shared, and the birthdays never to be celebrated, but mourned over year after year: that is my truth.  A life unidentified to anyone else, but never forgotten by me, her movements felt by no one else save me.  Although twenty-six years have passed, the heartache can still be so sharp, the memories so fresh, it’s as though the delivery day took place just yesterday.   These are my memories:

Unforgettable, the silence of that delivery room; tears of anguish flowing unchecked accompanied by the low moaning of the young mother.  The only other sounds: a quietly weeping nurse as she wiped clean the still, un-breathing baby of what should have been life-giving blood and the clanking of instruments.  A young father stood silently, overwhelmed and withdrawn from the unthinkable horror of the moment.  Precious, fine baby hair was snipped and footprints taken from the unmoving infant for later recollection of parents destroyed by grief.

The memorial service was centered on the tiny coffin with words spoken that are no longer remembered.  Her mother unable to contain the grief, wailing her tears, yet ashamed of the emotions she couldn’t control.  A father so shut down, he was unable to mourn, trying, but unable, to comfort his wife.  He would later run from his grief into his job and be swallowed by it. 

Months afterward, at home, two toddlers confused by not understanding a mother who alternated between sobbing bitterly and fiercely hugging them.  For a time, hope seemed impossible and what does normal life look like after burying a baby?  Oddly enough, the sun still rises in the morning and the demands of children continue in spite of the agony of loss.  Life does go on.

As I read what I have written, I realize that the recollections are written it in third person, probably to maintain the distance that it took years to achieve.  Now when I look back, I don’t know how I got through that time in my life.  I was twenty-three years old.  My life was forever altered by that event.  How can one prepare for such a cataclysm?  However, that event started me on a search for purpose.  I had to find a love that would not die, a reality that could move me beyond the brokenness to find healing and hope. 

Jesus Christ was, and is, the only unchanging, perfect love that I could find.  He, too, was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief and He understood my pain.  That the Father in heaven comforted me in my pain, I have no doubt.  The Holy Spirit’s power activated in my life is the only explanation for the ability to come to terms with such a harrowing loss.  That love started a healing process that I will never understand.

For whatever reason, this year the memory of the delivery day and what followed was sharper than it has been for a very long time, hence this blog.  I will always miss Erin and I will always wonder who she would have become.  But I have undeniable, assured hope that I will see her again.  My arms will be filled with that particular life that I carried for nine months.  And my heart will finally be whole once more.

Fear is an Enemy

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18

I’m sorry I’ve been so neglectful of you my readers, but I have been preparing for a retreat for which I’m speaking.  My heart has been fully occupied with sitting with the Lord while listening, praying, and gaining some understanding of what it means to love others and still I am exploring this topic.  I’ll share with you some of what I’m uncovering.

I’ve always loved the Scripture I’ve chosen to share today because fear has been a companion throughout my life.  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being “less-than”, just to name a few, have accompanied me on this life’s journey.  And yet I remember reading this Scripture years ago and wondering how I would ever find the understanding and ability to believe it.

Finally, it hit me: “fear has to do with punishment.”  In other words, in my experience, punishment equals pain.  Failure is painful.  Rejection is painful.  Insecurity is painful.  And I will do just about anything to avoid pain.

And I bet you do to.

So how do I go about reframing failure, rejection and insecurity so that those emotions are not associated with just pain?  How about considering these painful emotions as an opportunity for growth? 

It has only been through my fear of failure that I learned wisdom in making wiser choices! 

It has been through my fear of rejection that I have learned to receive the love of my precious Savior because He will never reject me!

It has been through my insecurity that I have learned a dependence on the living God and the assurance that He will sustain me through any and every circumstance!

I’m still learning about His perfect love and while I’m on this side of heaven, I’ll continue to learn.  But the journey has become far less fearful as I abide and rest in Jesus.

PS:  If you are interested in attending the retreat to which I referred please Face Book “Women 2 Women” for details.  Thank you.

How’s Your Heart?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  Prov.4:23

I've just finished doing some painting in my kitchen, and living room.  It’s been several years… OK, more than ten years…. since these rooms were painted.  I must say there is nothing like a fresh coat of paint to make rooms look like new!  Frankly, I was so accustomed to the appearance of the rooms that I really couldn’t “see” them until the fresh paint was applied.  Now it’s apparent that the walls were in dire need of fresh paint!

It occurs to me that our hearts can be in dire need of “fresh paint”.  I can become calloused and hard if I don’t do the daily maintenance to prevent my heart from becoming dingy and dull.  Sitting quietly with Jesus in the Word, in prayer, and talking of spiritual matters with other Christians, helps to protect my heart from the dirt (sin) and pollution (world) in which I live.  Confession and repentance of the sins allows the Lord to purify me daily.  Monitoring the unhealthy influences of TV, internet, and other media are the preventive measures I can take to maintain the cleanliness of my heart.  It’s a battle. 

But the moment- to-moment battle guarding my heart is far less exhausting as I allow the love of God to permeate every available space in my heart.  Nothing can preserve the integrity of my heart more than the unfailing unfathomable love of my holy and gracious heavenly Father.  My heart is in His hands.  How’s your heart today?

God’s Presence

“Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:15-16

In my personal devotion reading this past week, I found something that I had never really noticed before.  In 2 Chronicles 7, I read that Solomon had completed construction of the Temple and is dedicating it.  Those of you who have been following my blog know of the struggle to lose weight and the importance of my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 3:16. 

The Temple was known as the resting place of God’s presence.  And as I strive to bring my “temple” under His authority, I realized that the power and comfort the Temple brought to the nation of Israel is just as accessible for me today!  I was struck by the verses I quoted to open this blog because in these Scripture, I am reassured that He is consecrating this “temple”, His eyes and ears are open to the prayers I offer Him, and His eyes and heart are always with me.  Therefore, I am never abandoned, I am never alone, nor am I a hopeless case when it comes to my weight!

As a matter of fact, I have lost two sizes since January!  But thankfully the size of my “temple” does not determine His presence, nor does my behavior.  His presence is determined by His consecration of me.  According to Dictionary.com, ‘consecration’ means “to make or declare sacred or holy.”  He’s doing the work.  My job is to join Him in the work He’s doing.  Meanwhile, I am enjoying the fruits of His presence and His labors!

Holding On to Promises

“Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”          2 Peter 1:4

As I shared previously, my precious Savior reveals truths to me through the most unusual methods.  My last post was a lesson in letting go.  Today we will focus on a lesson in holding on.

Just about a month ago, Bob and I added a new member to our family.  Kirby, a miniature Schnauzer arrived and quickly stole our hearts!  As any puppy will do, he loves to play tug-of-war.  At 15 weeks of age, I have been impressed by the strength of this tiny dog as he holds on to his toys for dear life!    Frankly, I could learn a lesson from this little fellow.  He holds on to the promise of getting his toy with a tenacity that puts me to shame.

How many times have I forgotten to hold on to the promises of God: who He says He is, who He says I am, and the wondrous depths of His love for me.

And for you!

When doubts enter in to our thinking, Satan has an open door to wreak havoc with our minds and with our faith.  There is no better moment to latch on to the promises we know and hold on with all of our might or even with the least strength, for when we are weak, God’s strength is displayed (2 Cor. 12:9-11).  Remember, it only takes a mustard-seed sized faith for God to change the world!