A Whack-a-Mole Wrinkle

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:8-10

I have a dear friend who says that sometimes life is like the game of whack-a-mole; as soon as you nail one problem, another problem springs up that requires attention. Just as I start to get an exercise regime in place, the food intake decreasing, and as I work at not retreating to food for comfort (refer to previous blog), I find myself irritable, emotional, overly sensitive, and downright no fun to be with…and I cannot escape my own company! I don’t like fighting feelings of negativity and rejection that are probably just figments of my imagination. But what do I do with these feelings? Numbing out with food allowed me to not feel and escaping negative feelings is pretty addictive. And I was a lot more fun to hang out with. Now, I find myself writhing internally with hurt, pain, anger and a host of other emotions that have long lay dormant and are spilling through me like the water behind a dam-burst! How do I deal?

Writing this blog is somewhat therapeutic but I’m not sure why anyone would want to read about the processing of my emotions. Or perhaps reading about the emotions of another frees one up to consider one’s own emotions. Meanwhile, I just want to sit with a bag of chips and watch the feelings disappear. However, processing the emotions is my prerequisite. So writing, working out, prayer, and talking with friends helps the processing of the emotions, but frankly, I feel foolish and vulnerable sharing feelings and weaknesses as I consider posting this blog.

To my chagrin, when I take self (read pride) out of the picture, maybe it is a glimpse into the process of working through my emotions that Jesus can use to encourage and enlighten others. Perhaps this blog is not about the success or failure of losing weight, but about sharing the process of what I am learning as I sit quietly before the Lord and listen for the still, small voice of my Deliverer. After all, my desire is that my life be about Jesus Christ and His will being lived out through me, even in my weakness. Maybe Jesus can use this for you, dear reader, so that you feel less isolated in your struggles to gain empowerment over issues of your own. I would love any feedback you have for me. Until then, get your mallets ready to whack-a-mole!

Risking to Find Comfort for the Pain

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

Several years ago, I was in one of those deep discussions with a trusted friend that takes place late at night; the kind of discussion that results when two hearts have no fear of the other person and there is freedom to discuss profound ideas and intimate feelings. This friend is the quintessential business woman, intelligent, resourceful, well educated and well spoken. In the course of our discussion, I asked her, “How do you receive comfort when you are hurting?” For a few moments she was silent and she looked utterly perplexed, not even able to answer; she kept repeating the word comfort with a tone of confusion as though I had given her a word in a foreign language. This simple word, “comfort” left her profoundly mystified.

Strictly defined, “comfort” means relief in affliction, solace, or consolation. It can mean to soothe, console, or reassure. For those of you who read my last blog, I left off with this question: how was I going to be comforted in my pain and begin the process of removing the yoke of over-eating? I also solicited your thoughts on how to answer this question, and to those of you who have responded, I thank you. But in returning to the question, we all know the “good girl” answer is God and His word. I must be willing to turn to Him for comfort, rather than putting my head back into the yoke of over-eating. When I’m hurting and feeling bad, I read Scripture (especially Psalms) in my search for solace and pray crying out to God in my pain. But sometimes this just doesn’t relieve my affliction.

The truth is, sometimes I want God to have skin on so that I can see and touch Him. That’s why relationships with people are so necessary. Job’s friends knew this. Paul understood that same need for comfort and we read of many different relationships in his letters: Titus, Justus, John-Mark, Timothy, and others, and the comfort he received from them. In John 11:19, there is a reference to the fact that many Jews had come to offer comfort to Mary and Martha in the loss of their brother Lazarus.

Therefore, I’m realizing that I need to reach out to my intimate friends when I need comfort. And boy is that difficult! I despise feeling so vulnerable! What if no one wants to comfort me? What if no one wants to hear me? What if no one has time for me? What if, what if…this is the crux of the matter. Maybe it is time to take the risk and ask for the help of my dear friends instead of numbing out with food. The truth is, the numbness wears off but the pounds do not! Or at least, the pounds only come off after a lot of hard work. But the feelings will return and I will be back where I started, alone and hurting. God has provided me with incredible friends (you all know who you are) and I am profoundly grateful for these friends. So, I must be willing to take the risk, reach out, and receive the comfort they are willing to give me. When all is said and done, I’d rather take the risk than to put my head back into the yoke!

The Yoke of Over-eating

“I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.” Lev. 26:13

Most people today aren’t familiar with the term “yoke”. A yoke is a devise enclosing the heads of two draft animals together, usually oxen, so that an individual can drive them to perform tasks such as plowing or pulling a wagon. Oxen are large, powerful, animals and if you’ve ever seen a team of oxen performing a task of pulling a plow, it truly is amazing that one man can manage these animals in such a manner. In the above Scripture, I was caught by the word-picture of God breaking the bars of the yoke that enslaved the Israelites. As we can see from the picture, it would take a lot of power to break the bars of a yoke!

I have been enslaved in a yoke, a cycle of over-eating causing gain and loss that has accompanied me throughout my adult life. This last “gain” cycle started a few years ago with an event that was incredibly painful to me emotionally. I had absolutely no responsibility in what took place (meaning I was not involved with the event directly) but the consequences had a tremendous effect on me personally. I realized that I had felt powerless over the outcome of the event, an outcome that caused me pain! Looking back at my emotional pain and loss at the time, I am recognizing that my response to pain is to return to my yoke, the yoke of over-eating as a source of comfort, rather than turning to God.

My daughter Shannon shared something very powerful with me a while back that God has brought to my mind again and again. We were discussing why I turn to food and I said something to the effect that when I eat I feel better. And she looked at me and she said, “Mom, you don’t feel better, you feel different.” Wow! That statement hit me square between the eyes! She was right, I didn’t feel better; what I felt was numb, an absence of the pain. But then the numbness would wear off and the pain would return. So how was I going to be comforted in my pain and begin the process of removing the yoke of over-eating? I’ll share that next time! Meanwhile, I would love to read your comments and hear what gives you comfort when you feel pain.

And by the way, for accountability’s sake, I’ve been working out three days a week for the last month! Not easy, but satisfying!

A Fallow Season

“You shall sow your land for six years and gather in its yield but on the seventh year you shall let it rest and lie fallow, so that the needy of your people may eat; and whatever they leave the beast of the field may eat. You are to do the same with your vineyard and your olive grove.” Ex. 23:10 - 11 (NASB)

As you may have read in the above Scripture, the Mosaic Law states that every seventh year, the Israelites were to leave the ground unplowed, to allow it to lie fallow, to rest the land. This resting allows the land to renew itself and to regain the nutrients that were used by the previously planted crops. I’ve been pondering and studying this idea of the year of resting, this “fallow time.”

Oddly enough, presently in my spiritual life I feel like I’m in a “fallow” season. While I personally have been “OK”, I’m emerging from a season of crisis in the church I attend and the lives of people closest to me. I’ve referred to this crisis season in past blogs, especially about the church I attend. Some of those particular issues have been somewhat resolved and a period of healing for the people of the church is taking place, including in my own spiritual life.

However, some of the collateral damage of this recent crisis season has been completely unhealthy for me physically. Several years ago I worked really hard and lost a significant amount of weight, but in the midst of the recent crisis, I found myself returning to some really bad eating habits and I have gained back quite a bit of the weight I had lost. So, now begins another season of hard work to attempt to lose this weight again. But I’m realizing that it may be more important to gain a deeper understanding of what emotions I experienced during the crisis time and why I respond with eating (and eating and eating)!

Therefore, while I focus a lot of energy on the physical exercise it will require to get back in shape and lose (quite) a few pounds, I’m also trying to take the time to sit quietly before Jesus and learn to recognize the emotions that send me to the fridge for comfort. I picture this season as a “fallow” time as God restores some much needed truth to my soul so that my “field” (i.e., physical body) is renewed. I would like to invite you to be a part of this journey. I will be recording my discoveries in this blog and will keep you updated as to my progress. I will NOT share the pounds with you, but I will share the progress of returning to a healthy exercise regime and the spiritual lessons that I know God will be pouring into my heart. I would appreciate your prayers as I “bare my soul” here in my blog. I pray that God will bless all of us with His truths, strength, and comfort.

So, I’m off to go exercise. Pray for me…I need it!

Possibilities

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Eph. 4: 22-24

I love the beginning of a new year! Like a blank canvas on which to paint a new picture, a new year is filled with endless possibilities for the future. There are new resolutions, new plans, and new dreams all of which seem achievable in my mind. I can make the choice to focus on my writing, speaking and teaching. I can resolve to get my house re-organized, the gardens edged and composted. This may be the year that I finally clean out those closets and re-structure my filing systems! But then reality sets in. I’m still the same person that I was on the last day of the old year…or am I?

I am not the same person today that I was yesterday…if I’m paying attention. Every day I have the opportunity to apply the truth of Ephesians 4: 22-24 to my life. I have the opportunity to put off the “old self”, to stop doing things the way I’ve always done them. I can do something different! By allowing the Holy Spirit to make me new in the “attitude” of my mind, I can make new choices. I can choose to put less food in my mouth, to move a little more today than I did yesterday, to put things away rather than dumping them on the table. I have been created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. And so have you!

Let’s encourage each other to do one thing differently! Just one thing! One thing is do-able. And as we make one small change, we will be able to see and recognize the manifestation of the Holy Spirit helping us to do just one thing; which just might encourage us that we are new, different and the possibilities are endless! It may not be easy, we may not succeed perfectly, but it is do-able! Happy New Year!